Complete Me
by Tuesday The First
Summary: Quinn was her addiction and Rachel was her escape.
1. Chapter One

_Summary: Quinn was her addiction and Rachel was her escape._  
_AN: A Faberry chapter fic. Picks up after summer. A few things from season two like Sam will be present but not much else.  
Review it, alert it, favourite it but most of all enjoy it._

**Complete Me**_  
_

**Chapter One**

Rachel stood in her shower, the water now running lukewarm from how long she had stood there but she didn't move to get out. In the distance, she could hear faint humming, a beautiful, gentle melody she had heard many times on nights like her present one. She knew once she shut the water off, the humming would cease and by the time she finished drying off, the opening and closing clicks of her bedroom door would echo coldly off the walls. So she kept it running. Certainly they knew she had been in there much too long, but they stayed anyway, humming away.

Another five minutes passed and the water was ice cold. Rachel grudgingly reached for the knob to shut off the tap and, like she predicted, the humming ended. Stepping out onto the cold tile floor, she reached for her towel, ears straining to hear the noises in the rest of her house. Without the ruckus of the running water, Rachel heard the springs of her bed groan in relief as someone got up from it followed by the jingle of keys. Wrapping her towel around her dripping hair, the final sound of the door rang out and she sighed.

She took up another towel to cover her naked body and stepped out of the bathroom into her room. She looked to her bed to see her pillows all back to normal and not a wrinkle on the bedspread. Her clothes she had been wearing were stored in her dirty clothes basket and her homework that had been tossed to the floor in their haste was stacked neatly on her desk.

Rachel grinned halfheartedly as she went to her dresser to retrieve her pajamas. Clothed, she fell onto her bed, laying on her stomach, nose pressed into her comforter. She took in a deep breath letting the scent of fresh, spring flowers tingle her senses and ran her hand over the opposite side of the bed, fingers catching the last bit of warmth left by the body that had once been there. No matter how hard she tried, Quinn could never erase her evidence of being there.

She stayed like that for as long as the warmth still lingered and the fragrance still wafted then rolled over onto her back and flicked off the lamp. Nights like those were rare, though they were becoming a little more frequent than before, and each time Rachel felt a little piece of her heart chip away until it was the mangled mess it was now.

She had tried to keep it intact, but when it came Quinn, before everything that had started now, her heart broke for her and the troubles she had been going through. When she had rejected her friendship, it broke even more because Rachel knew what Quinn wanted more than anything was someone beside her. She had her chance, finally, to be that person when she went to visit Quinn, now back at her old home. She was only stopping by to see how the baby delivery had gone and the adoption and Quinn lost it. As she listened to Quinn lament, something she had wanted to do but no one would ever listen, Rachel's heart shattered. That's when things began to change.

Rolling over, Rachel pulled her pillow from under her head to hug against her chest. A faint flowery scent floated off it that she savored for a few seconds before it defused into the air. It was truly pathetic the way she attempted to hold onto the tiniest remnants of Quinn, but with each passing day of simply seeing her, each choice day that she would lure her into a dark corner and kiss her, each rare occasion she showed up at her house at night being painfully gentle and charming with her, Rachel sank further and further.

What started off as an attempt to help a fellow glee club member find herself again had ended up in her getting herself lost in Quinn and made her own morals and good intentions go flying out the window. All she knew now was that she wanted Quinn and she probably needed her more than she needed Rachel in her lowest time of helplessness and it was killing her.

Rachel wondered into school the next day like every other day. It was early enough for her to miss the slushie throwers but not too early where she would be taken as more of a loser then what everyone already thought. Getting her things out of her locker, she retired to the choir room and sat down at the piano. Running her fingers over the keys, she thought of a song to play and began. She cringed at the cluster of wrong notes she hit then finally stopped unable to take it.

"Sounding a bit rusty there, Rach." Said Mr. Schuester as he came walking in with a stock of sheet music in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

"I recently had to cut back hours in my piano lessons because my dad's couldn't afford it on top of ballet, vocal classes and the acting coach I just started with." She replied, folding her hands in her lap.

Mr. Schue's eyebrows rose into his hairline. "That's a lot to be doing, don't you think?"

She nodded. "If I want to be on Broadway, I have to start training now and this," she waved at the piano, "is unacceptable. I may need to get a job so I can pay for my own piano lessons."

"Well, if you'd like, maybe you could ask Brad if he'd like to teach you." He offered.

"Though that would be a brilliant idea, Mr. Schue, I think he tolerates enough of me in glee as it is. No reason to put him, though two more hours of my intolerableness."

"If you say so, Rach," He offered her a gentle smile before walking back to his office.

Rachel echoed his smile, eyes returning back to the piano. She tapped a few black keys until she found the one she wanted then switched to a white key and so on as she fished for the notes that matched the melody in her head. She had just told herself she needed to bring her composer journal next time so she could pencil in the notes when the bell rang.

Picking up her bag, she waved to Mr. Schue. "See you after school, Rach." He called after her as she left.

Destination already set in mind Rachel marched through the halls. She had been lucky enough to evade any slushie facials but she could never let her guard down and become complacent. Lollygagging in the halls was something she never did and she never took her time to go from class to class. Arriving in the classroom three minutes before the tardy bell was always better than meandering through the halls being bombarded with insults and frozen corn syrup drinks.

Turning the last corner to get to her English class, Rachel stopped in her tracks almost like she had been presented with a brick wall. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw Quinn slipping around the corner at the other end. It was another reason why Rachel tried to get to each class quickly, especially her first.

Seeing Quinn in the halls always gave her such a blanket of emotions she was knocked so off kilter it nearly sent her into vertigo. She was aware that the Cheerios practiced in the mornings in the gym just around from her English class, so she tried extra hard to get to first period before they came strutting out all caked in sweat and muscles still taught from their work out. She was a half a minute behind this morning.

Rachel ordered her legs to move but they wouldn't budge. Quinn's eyes slowly found her and her mouth dropped for a moment in surprise. Her hazel orbs darted left and right before settling back on Rachel and her feet moved, closing their distance. Rachel was about to continue her way but Quinn was demanding her to stay put with her eyes.

A nervous rush of butterflies filled her stomach as she waited for Quinn to pass the halfway mark in the hall. Not once had Quinn talked to her in school, well, not since they started their…affairs. For the first couple of weeks back to school, Quinn wouldn't even make eye contact with her like she was embarrassed and ashamed for what was happening. She eased out of it but not without that pained look of apology, conflict and possibly regret. On top of that, she never spoke a word to her.

Quinn stepped past the point that put them halfway apart when someone called out to her. "Damn, Fabray, I said wait." Santana came stomping up the hall with Brittany in tow.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." Quinn replied. At the sound of her voice, Rachel lost her breath, a bubble of envy building inside of her. Why wouldn't she ever talk like that to her?

"Whatever," Santana rolled her eyes. She took note of her friend's frozen state. "I'm here now what're you waiting for?"

"I," Quinn blinked to Rachel, sympathy dripping from her eyes like tears. "Nothing. Lets get to class." She said abruptly resting one hand on her hip.

Santana and Brittany fell into their places on either side of her and began up the hall towards her. As they passed Rachel, Brittany shot her a friendly smile while Santana sized her up and sneered. She'd been expecting those. It was how the two Cheerios always treated her. It used to be worse, from Santana at least, but ever since Brittany started to show a slight fondness to her, Santana had backed down some in her vocal taunts but her harsh expressions were much the same.

The last look she was given confused her. Quinn smiled at her. It may have been an apologetic smile, a smile that showed just how broken over their situation was and a smile that thanked her silently for being there for her but it meant everything to Rachel. She would take that over the blank stares and the unreadable expressions she was always given.

And, just as she went to return it, two cups of cherry slushie were thrown into her face.

_-/-/-/-_

"She had that one coming the way she was standing there like a deer in headlights." Said Santana through a chuckle as the three of them looked back at Rachel standing petrified in the hall, dripping with red slushie. The two football players that had been a part of the act, high fived and walked away, shoving the empty cups into the chests of a pair of random students.

"Now her clothes are all ruined." Chimed Brittany, sorry in her voice but a smile was stretched on her lips.

"Oh well. We all know Berry's got, like, four outfits in her locker." Santana shrugged starting to walk off. "She might as well just buy a poncho and wear that around." The two girls were halfway down the hall before thy noticed Quinn wasn't with them. "Q,"

"Coming," Quinn whipped her head around to Santana. She fell behind them, glancing back in time to see Rachel rush into a nearby restroom, their eyes meeting just before she disappeared behind the closing door.

"Are you alright?" Asked Santana as they walked into History together.

"I'm fine," She replied pulling out her book and opened it on her desk.

"And I'm a virgin," Santana shooed away the boy who was sitting next to Quinn and sat down on top of the desk. "We've know each other since sixth grade. I know when something's wrong."

"Yeah, Quinn, what's wrong?" Came Brittany's voice from behind her. "San and I thought you would be happy being back on the Cheerios and she let you be captain again."

"I didn't let her do anything." Santana said quickly shooting a look at Brittany. "Coach threw me down because of all the practices I kept coming late to."

"But, San, you said you-"

"Not now, okay, Britt?" Brittany nodded and turned back to her homework she was copying from Santana's. "So what's up? Puck still trying to get back in your pants? You don't have anything to lose since he already took it from you."

"Santana that's mean," Frowned Brittany.

"Nothing's wrong, okay?" Quinn clipped harsher than she had intended. "I'm fine. Just stressed out with Coach Sylvester's crazy new acrobatic routine and trying to get my GPA back up since I pretty much screwed it up last year."

Santana searched her face for a hole in her lie. Quinn did her best to keep her expression straight. Santana, if not better than Brittany, could read her like a book. She use to like it when they were younger because it saved her from having to start a lot of awkward conversations about boys and sex and other teenage things her mom and dad tried to shelter her from. Santana would pick up on it and go on from there. Now, she hated it.

Mostly because Santana, with her new instilled confidence she had gotten from the transition from middle school to high school, knew how to handle people and knew exactly how to break Quinn or what to do in order to get what she wanted. She feared, every day of high school, that Santana would tear her down and put herself on top. When she was with child, she hadn't doubted Santana would be the one to spread the news. She was shocked, and grateful, it hadn't been her but Santana had more power when she was captain and could've kept her off the Cheerios. Again, Quinn was surprised and thankful at her acceptance back into cheerleading and more so bemused at her reinstated title.

Other than that, Quinn didn't like her being able to read her now because her walls and shells had become increasingly fragile over the last year and the last person she wanted to see those cracks in her armor was Santana. Though she had been given every reason to trust her like she did in middle school, she couldn't shake it. She had lost too much, been too exposed, when she was pregnant. She didn't want that again.

"Fine," Said Santana as the teacher walked in.

Quinn watched her slip off the desk and go back to her seat behind her next to Brittany allowing the boy she had waved away to return to his seat.

She gave a sigh of relief as the teacher flicked on the projector and started on the lesson. If they were thrown into partners to work on an assignment, or even just given an assignment, Quinn knew she wouldn't be able to hold Santana at bay.

Opening her notebook, it fell to the page she had been doing her homework on the night before. She hadn't gotten far in her assignment and had started to journal instead of jot down notes. She quickly turned the page seeing Rachel's name. The other night had been wonderful but regretful all in the same.

She wasn't going to go to Rachel's. In the previous month, she had showed up on her doorstep three weeks out of the four. Each one ended up with them curled up with one another, their bare bodies tingling and burning with the lingering sensations of their heated roll in the sheets. Quinn didn't know when it had come to that. All she could remember was the one night Rachel came over in the summer for, maybe, the sixth or seventh time. She had gotten into an argument with her mom about the possibility of her father's return and she called Rachel over.

She thought she was back to being the strong Quinn Fabray she was but she broke down into tears as she explained everything. Rachel, being as genuine at heart as she was, wrapped her in her arms and Quinn kissed her. Simple as that. She turned her head and her lips were on Rachel's. She had expected for her to run away but Rachel just brushed away her tears and held her closer. Quinn guessed she past it off as something friendly, something she needed at that moment, and for a bit Quinn did too. Only thing was each time she saw Rachel, the yearning for it became stronger and not once did Rachel reject her. Now they were having sex.

The thought of it excited Quinn but made her stomach churn. She couldn't keep it up. Not only did it go against what she believed, or more so her family, she knew it wasn't healthy. Rachel was only trying to help her, be nice to her, offer her back the friendship she had pushed away back during their sophomore year. Quinn had taken a hold of it the second time and ran with it. It wasn't fair to Rachel, Quinn knew, it wasn't right especially since Finn had been trying to strike up a relationship with Rachel. She would end it and she tried.

She raced out of the gym to find Rachel but when she saw her in the hallway, all of her resolve slipped away like water through her fingers leaving her parched and thirsty and in desperate need of that oasis she found being with Rachel. It took her a bit to pull her mind back from the clouds but once she started, Santana ended her pursuit and all was lost. She almost ran after her into the restroom but with the others day she couldn't muster the courage to do it.

When the bell rang, Quinn left before Santana or Brittany could talk to her. She floated through her next few classes keeping to herself. Physics was particularly awkward since the class was full of boys, save for her and two other girls who were still intimidated by her so they partnered together. If that wasn't bad enough, half the boys were on the football team and just as crude, if not worse, as Puck and she was still at a lab station with Finn.

Though they managed to work together without too much hostility, Quinn could taste the tension. Not to mention seeing him made her feel guilty for distracting the girl who he was after. Because of this, she left the class for lunch to redeem herself from that morning and speak to Rachel.

Walking through the cafeteria, she kept her hands firmly on her hips, eyes darting around to check and see if anyone was watching her. She didn't care to look for Rachel because she knew where she was. She was hyper aware of Rachel's whereabouts more than ever nowadays. Going to the back most corner of the cafeteria, she approached the table Rachel and one other student sat. Quinn thought she would be able to go through with everything until Rachel looked up at her. She fell yet again.

"Quinn?" Said Rachel, the bewilderment that had been on her face washing away just as quick as it came. She should've expected it. She didn't talk to Rachel in school. She just couldn't bring herself to do it since their meetings had become purely sexual rather than the innocent talking they did before.

"Rachel," She said back, dropping her eyes to the songbook Rachel was looking through. _Chicago. _She remembered Rachel had been watching that one night she had gone over. The musical would always remind her of being tangled on Rachel's floor exchanging sweet kisses until it dipped into something much stronger and fervent.

"Did you need something?" Asked Rachel, her voice even.

Quinn cursed her. She couldn't sound so calm as Rachel. She shook her head. "No," She said tersely turning away, hands still on her hips. "I'll see you in glee."

She spun and walked away waiting until she was in the hall before her swift walk became a hurried strides. The bang of the cafeteria's echoed behind her and she went faster to get out of eyesight of whoever had exited.

Rounding a corner, she rushed into a restroom, flipped on the water and put her hands beneath the cold stream of the tap. She let out a breath only to start gasping for more steady breaths. Her chest was tight and her heart hammered against her ribcage like a woodpecker beating into a tree.

"I can't," She whispered looking up at her reflection. "Why can't you do it? You need to do it." She tried convincing herself but the words didn't seem to mean anything.

The door to the restroom opened and she went to reach for soap to make it look as if she were washing her hands, but when she caught sight of who it was, she just turned it off and made to leave.

"Quinn, wait," Said Rachel stepping in front of her.

"Let me out." She ordered, firmness in her voice despite the lump in her throat.

Usually that would've made Rachel, made anyone, get out of her way but the girl stood firm. "Quinn, I know you needed to say something to me, and considering that you risked everything by finding me in such a public place like the cafeteria, it must be exceptionally important."

"Rachel I-" She started. She turned away from her, walking to the other end of the restroom and leaned against the wall. "We can't…Rachel this is…what is this?" She threw up her hands in frustration. "What are we doing?"

"To be technical, and not at all sarcastic, we're talking. Or, rather, you're trying to explain what it is you needed to tell me and I'm doing my best to listen." She replied. "But if you're referring to the other night then…I don't know what it is you'd like to call it.

She pressed her fingers to her temples. "Rachel I…I can't." She whispered, eyes closed.

A second ticked by. "You can't what? Can't tell me?" She asked. "If you can't now then you can another time. I'm not rushing you, I only thought whatever it is you had to say couldn't be said under the scrutiny of the cafeteria. You don't have to speak now."

"Rachel," Quinn spoke again.

She stood with her back against the wall, the coolness she was trying to get from it gone away. She could hear her pulse in her ears that matched the drip, drip, drip of a leaky water faucet. Another beat past and she opened her eyes coming near face to face with Rachel who now stood close to her.

Annoyed rage with herself filled Quinn to the brim. "I'm sorry, Rachel, I just…I can't." She said harshly.

Rachel didn't even cringe with the forcefulness of her voice. She only nodded and replied, "Okay,"

Unable to stand there any longer, Quinn slipped away and began for the exit. She reached the door, fingers already curled on the handle when she spun back around and marched back to where she left Rachel by the wall.

With a forceful hand, she turned her around and pushed Rachel against it with her body, her lips landing on Rachel's. She felt Rachel's tension relax with the kiss and Quinn let herself stop trying to fight everything back and enjoy the feeling of Rachel's lips sliding against hers once again, the heat of her body running into her, and the scent of her skin intoxicating her.

She needed this; she needed Rachel. No matter what, she couldn't tell her they needed to end this because, in each moment with Rachel, she felt more than she ever did when she was President of the celibacy club, when she had been granted her head cheerleading position again, when she was the top dog of McKinley High and everyone treated her like royalty.

She couldn't let Rachel go.

_Til Next Chapter_


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Rachel should've seen what was coming.

She walked into the choir room where Kurt and Mercedes already talking quietly to one another on the back row. They stopped talking when they saw her walk in and sit down in the front. She heard them hiss to one another about how she hadn't come in complaining that no one was there. She let it slide not pointing out how she wasn't the first one to arrive either.

Instead, she sat in her chair, notebook on her lap and pulled out her pen drawing staff lines, treble clef, and key and time signature to plot out the notes of the tune she had been trying to play. There was no way Quinn wouldn't come to mind as she wrote it since it was Quinn's humming melody that she was trying to write.

She should've known Quinn was going to push away from her and say that she couldn't keep seeing her like they were doing. It ripped the half of Rachel's heart that was still in tact into ribbons. Disregarding the intimate state of their supposed friendship, Quinn was the first person in a long time that she had felt connected to. But she had severed that connection.

If she took away their secret fraternizing, Rachel still wanted Quinn around. The fact that Quinn had allowed her in and spilled much of herself to her meant a lot to Rachel because no one had given her such a privilege. But from what Quinn said, even if the glint in her eyes betrayed her words, Rachel knew all of it would fade away. And even if it had only been a week and a half, two days longer than it usually took Quinn to contact her again, she figured she was right.

"Hey, Rach," Said a gentle voice and Rachel looked up to see Finn standing in front of her, his hands buried deep in his pockets.

"Hello Finn," She greeted him.

He shifted uncomfortable. "Can I sit with you?" He asked and she nodded going back to her notebook. "Writing a song?"

"It would look that way, yes," She tried to keep the attitude out of her voice but when it came to Finn, Rachel was reminded of Quinn. She tried to make up for her tone. "It's something I heard recently and I'm trying to write it out."

"I didn't know you wrote music."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Finn." Because he, when she had been interested, had only been interested in making out with her in auditoriums, and when they talked about possibly being together he wasn't man enough to let others see. Thus, she gave up on him.

"I'd like to get to know you." He said suddenly. Rachel looked at him. "Yeah," He turned so he was facing her, his dopey side-ways grin that she loved so much pulling at the corner of his mouth. "I've been thinking about what you said before. You know, how I cared about my reputation more than being with someone I obviously like or whatever."

"Yes, and?" She nodded to his pause for reassurance.

"And, well, I want to try again." She blinked. "I really like you, Rachel. I want to try."

Rachel stared up at him, her eyes wide as they darted from one of his to the other. She felt the quicker patter of her heart at the request and his little smirk was making her swoon sort of how it use to.

Closing her notebook, she squared her shoulders to face him. "Let me try to understand this completely. Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am. I want you to be my girlfriend." His smile broadened and she broke out into her own grin.

She opened her mouth to answer him when a streak of red and white walked past him from behind. Rachel's eyes followed the swinging Cheerio's skirt to the second row where Quinn plopped down next to Santana and Brittany. Their eyes met and Rachel closed her mouth.

"Rach?" Finn cocked an eyebrow. Rachel bobbed her mouth up and down. She blinked away from Quinn, who had already done so, to look at Finn. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Finn, I," Rachel took a deep breath. "I'm not sure. Before, I would be anything but hesitant if you asked me but a lot of time has passed since then and I'm not completely sold on the idea that you're all of a sudden willing to have me on your arm in public."

"Rachel, I'm being honest with you."

"And I'm sure you are but you need to show me before I jump into a relationship with you if I'm only to be humiliated and hurt later on."

He looked defeated for a moment then nodded. Rachel titled her head taken aback that he hadn't tried to argue with her further. "Yeah, okay, I get it. So, do you want me to, like, take you out on a date and meet your dad's and stuff?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "A date would be a nice start."

"Cool," He nodded and turned away from her, concentration drawing in his brow.

Mr. Schue walked into the choir room followed by Mike and Tina. Rachel saw Artie on the other side of the room roll his eyes at them. She felt sympathetic for him but when she heard Tina talk about the reason behind the two breaking up, she was happy for Tina and Mike.

Rachel turned back to Mr. Schue as he started off the lesson with his usual speech on how they needed to find another member to fill Matt's spot since he transferred. He instantly glanced at Rachel and Finn for the job and she smiled. Things of glee had been slipping her mind more and more. She was distracted and for something to be able to distract Rachel Berry was something.

Looking back at that distraction, Rachel debated Finn's request. Quinn had said they needed to stop so what better way to move on from that then to be with the boy she had been chasing after since last year? She almost said yes to him but seeing Quinn halted her instantly.

Rachel was no novice to crushes even though most of them were never reciprocated. She would be lying if she didn't say that Finn made her heart flutter a little bit and made her melt a bit with his cheesiness. Even when she thought back to that day in the auditorium they had made out, she still kind of wanted that back. But when she looked at Quinn, all that she felt with Finn was magnified ten times more.

She saw Quinn's head start to turn towards her and she looked away quickly. She had to admit that she hadn't summed up the way she felt about Quinn as a crush, and by now she could feel it was much more then a simple crush. Did she dare call it love? She didn't have any experience with love except for the love of family. She couldn't find any other way to describe how Quinn made her feel. It was close to the exhilaration she figured she'd feel on her first opening night on Broadway. Yet, the thought scared her for a few reasons. The main reason being that Quinn obviously would not return her affections to that level, or, and what appeared was happening, wouldn't come to terms with them.

Mr. Schue soon ended and Rachel sprang from her chair, snatched up her things and started for the door when Finn caught her wrist ricocheting her back into him.

"Careful, Frankenteen," Santana quipped walking down the steps from where she sat at the back of the room. "I'm surprised you haven't crushed her already with your mammoth hands. Don't go on trying to rip her arm off."

Finn frowned at her while Rachel just rolled her eyes annoyed. Santana smirked, passing a worried glance to Rachel before her sinister grin returned and she turned away. Rachel stared after her confused. Her face then changed when she saw Quinn follow after her, momentarily glancing over her shoulder giving Rachel that look that meant for her to follow. Her stomach shot into her throat.

"Sorry, I just…can I ask…what're you doing tonight?" He finally got out.

"Nothing particularly exciting. Why?"

Finn put his hands in his pockets. "I got these two tickets to go see _The Sound of Music_ tonight at that foreign theatre. Me and my mom were gonna go but she's sick and I was going to give them to Kurt but I'd like to take you." He waited for her reply. "I'll buy us dinner." He added as an afterthought.

Rachel buried the want to reject him. What did she have to lose? "I'd love to go with you, Finn." He beamed. "I'll need to ask my dad's but I'm certain they'll be thrilled I won't be sitting around watching _West Side Story _for the twentieth time this week."

"Cool. What time do you want me to pick you up?"

"What time is the show?"

"Uh, eight I think."

"I will be ready by seven and I do expect to be treated to a late night dinner afterwards." She grined.

"Awesome. See you tonight?"

"See you tonight," She twiddled her fingers in a wave and watched him go. She waited, alone in the choir room, for a few minutes to pass by before she left.

Rachel turned a left once out of the door not knowing where Quinn had gone but she shouldn't have gotten too far. She slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her scream when she turned a corner coming face to face with Quinn.

"Quinn," She hissed in a whispered. "Hi,"

She dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry for what I said to you last week. I shouldn't have been that mean. I'm sorry for everything." She paused, lip worried between her teeth. "I'll leave you alone now."

"Wait, Quinn," She didn't think it would stop her but it did. "Does this mean we can't be friends at all?"

"Were we ever?"

That stung. "I thought since we…you," She paused to fine the right words. "If we weren't friends then would you have told me all that you did?"

She saw a flash in Quinn's eyes. She probably didn't even remember half the things that she had let spill out of her mouth. She had been like a broken water spigot. The stream of words never stopped.

She shrugged. "I needed you," Rachel ignored how her voice hitched between 'need' and 'ed' as if she didn't mean it in the past tense. "I needed someone to listen to me and you just happened to be the person to show up and ask me so I told you. That doesn't make us friends."

Rachel felt her body shake. Quinn's words were a slap in the face. "What about everything else? What about all the times we made out and then we started having sex-"

"Rachel, just shut up, okay?" She snapped suddenly. Rachel's teeth clicked together audibly. "I only wanted to apologize for how I handled things before. What I said about this having to stop still applies. I don't want to do this with you. I don't want you."

Rachel's instinct was to flee. Quinn spoke the words that she had been dreading and all she wanted to do was run away and hide. Instead, she stood there, boring into Quinn's eyes with hers. She might be good at masking her true feelings but Rachel knew if she looked hard enough, she could see the truth in Quinn's eyes.

Quinn shifted her eyes just a fraction. There. There it was. "You don't mean that."

"I'm sorry?"

"You don't mean what you just said, and if you don't then why are you saying it?"

"You're ridiculous," She laughed humorlessly, turning away as the end of the laugh resembled more of an attempt to choke back tears. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes I do," Rachel said with anger. "And you know I'm right."

"But you're not, that's what's so ridiculous."

"I'm not the one in denial about how I feel."

"Oh?" Quinn whipped back around. Rachel couldn't believe the control Quinn had on her emotions at that point. She had truly repaired the cracks and holes in her walls over time. "And how is it that you feel, Rachel? How is it that I feel?"

Rachel watched Quinn grow closer to her, her neck craning back so she never lost eye contact. The tiniest bit of vulnerability that had once floated around in her hazel eyes was gone. She had gone blank and Rachel gave up. She wouldn't be able to get past that. Not anymore at least.

"I don't know," She said softly.

Quinn smirked. "I thought so,"

And she turned and walked away but Rachel made sure, before she got out of earshot, Quinn heard her say, "I'm going out on a date with Finn tonight."

-/-/-/-

Quinn made a beeline for the Cheerio's locker room. Once inside, she leaned against the closed door trying to catch her breath. She could feel her heart beating a hole through her ribcage and her nerves tingling like electricity through her body.

Running a hand down her face, she sank to the floor, forehead rested on her folded arms that were propped up on her knees. Squinting her eyes, she did her best to hold back her tears. Telling Rachel to back off was the single most difficult thing she had ever done in her life only second to watching her baby girl be taken from her.

She had almost faltered when Rachel came around the bend. She wanted nothing more than to lean down and kiss or just pull her into a hug, to blurt out how she really needed her. But it wasn't fair to Rachel to be her temporary fix for the messed up life she was living. And that was all Quinn saw her as because any romantic feelings were out of the question. She did not like Rachel Berry and she was not in love with Rachel Berry. She simply needed someone to listen to her, someone to hold her when she cried, someone to whisper everything would be alright and make her feel like the princess her dad had told her she was.

Someone slid a key into the door and Quinn jumped up, rushing to her locker to make it seem like she was in there to get something. "Fabray you in here?" Yelled Santana.

Coming around the wall of lockers, Quinn showed herself. "What?"

"I'm sorry but you do remember that we do have Cheerios practice and as captain, need I remind you, you're obligated to be there." She said back to Quinn's sass.

"I had some things to take care of." She said lamely rolling her eyes.

"Uh huh, just get your ass out there or it'll be your ass that's going to be cushioning the pyramid when it falls."

"Still bitter about being on the bottom? And here I thought I heard Brittany say something about you being a bottom. I always took you for being a top myself, but-"

"Shut up, Q, and just get out there." Santana groaned. "Coach has been taking out her anger that you're not there on the rest of us."

"Here I come to the rescue."

"Yeah, whatever, you're no supergirl."

Quinn led Santana outside to the field where Sue was indeed dishing out her frustration by making the squad do a routine at a tempo that wasn't humanly possible. Once the count ended, she had them do it again. She hurried across the field giving a lame excuse of academics that saved the girls from impending death and had her running twenty laps around the field. She welcomed the work out. Anything to work her body over would ease her stress about Rachel.

Just as she finished her twenty-second lap (she decided to add two more just to show she wasn't a slacker and owned up to her faults), she was made to run through their four-minute routine twice with the girls before they were let out.

After having them stand in their ending pose for a minute and a half, Sue called it a day. The formation quickly disassembled and cheerleaders rushed for water bottles and towels. Quinn stood in the middle of the field, hands grasping her knees. She felt just about to pass out when two strong pairs of arms grabbed her on either side.

"No you don't, Q. I need you alive." Said Santana as she and Brittany helped her back into the locker room and onto a bench.

Showers buzzed around her but Quinn couldn't move. Her legs were like jelly and her body was a dead weight. The black fuzz of an oncoming passing out came and went in front of her eyes and she laid back to rest her worn out body.

She welcomed the fatigue but wanted a shower more. The sound of hot water and closing bottles of body soap called for her. She closed her eyes. She would wait until her body could function before attempting a trek into the showers. As she lay there, her mind reeled back to the first week of school.

It was late after school and Quinn had stayed after to work out things with Santana now that she was captain again and had made sure Santana would be her second. She left a while after Santana and was about to walk out of the school when she saw Rachel get doused with soda. The football guys hadn't been targeting her. They were being foolish and playing around and she was caught in the crossfire. They didn't care and left her there a soaking mess.

Quinn led her into the locker room so she could wash up and brought her one of her spare changes of clothes. Rachel came out of the shower all clean and smiling and thanked her. The simple thanks squeezed Quinn's heart and she reached for Rachel, pulling her into a hug before they let it dip into something more and their lips were together in a hungry kiss. But it wasn't enough. She had Rachel against the locker, both girls trying to push each other for more. If it wasn't for a stray Cheerio coming in to get her bag she had forgotten, Quinn was sure they would've gone farther. They did the next night at Rachel's house. That marked the third night together.

A heavy hand landed on her thigh causing Quinn to shoot up. Her head spun and she fell over only to be caught up and held in place by the long, lanky arms of Brittany. "Santana!" Quinn winced as her vision came back to her.

"You could've given her a heart attack, San." Said Brittany still holding Quinn in place.

She shrugged. "Get your stuff and let's go."

"What? Go where?"

"You're coming over tonight." Said Santana. Quinn shook her head. "You can afford one night without P90X. If you haven't lost the baby weight by now, you never will." Brittany snickered while Quinn rolled her eyes. "Also, after the way you pushed yourself today, I'm a little worried you might down some pills or something."

"I'm not suicidal,"

"Could've fooled me."

"What? Are you trying to tell me you're concerned for my health?" Asked Quinn getting up with Brittany's help though she was sure she didn't need it anymore. "And here I thought you're waiting for something to happen to me so you won't be under the title of number two anymore."

"Okay, first off, I chose to be your second and, yes, I am concerned for your health, because if you were to die, the first person they'll question will be me."

Quinn rolled her eyes and slung her bag on her shoulder. She pulled away from Brittany and walked out of the locker room past them. "I'm going home."

"Nope," Santana grasped her arm escorting her outside and over to her own car.

"Not now, Lopez,"

"It'll be fun," Chimed Brittany. "You haven't come over in forever, Quinn, and it'll make Santana feel better." They stopped at Santana's car. Brittany held her fist under her chin, her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. "Please?"

She wanted to protest again but Santana had already managed to take her bag away from her and thrown into the backseat of the car. "What about my car?" She asked.

"Brittany will drive it to my house." She dangling her keys in front of her face. She hadn't even noticed when her pockets had been picked. "In case you try to get away."

"From you? I wouldn't dare an attempt."

"That's right. Get in,"

Knowing it was pointless to argue, Quinn climbed into the passenger seat of Santana's car and let her take her away. She knew Santana felt the dense awkwardness hovering around them and was thankful she had cranked up the radio rather than try and strike up conversation like they used to.

"Can I at least take a shower?" She asked once they arrived at the Lopez's.

"Please do,"

Quinn grabbed her bag thankful she always brought a pair of casual clothes with her and followed the two girls into the house. She looked around at the house that hadn't changed a bit since their slumber party days in middle school. She peered down at a spot on the floor by the entertainment center in the living room. They had spilled an entire two liter of grape soda onto the off white carpet and tried to have it cleaned before Dr. Lopez came home. He saw it the next morning and called for the steam cleaners to get it out. Santana thanked her and Brittany for being there or she would've gotten into more trouble than if she was alone.

It seemed so spacious how large the living room was. It filtered into the kitchen with a dining area latched on. Immediately to the left from the door was a doorway into the garage and the stairs. Quinn knew her house wasn't bigger than her own but she had so much clutter an gaudy furniture and décor in her house it looked smaller

"Remember where everything is?" Santana hollered from some part of the house.

"I think so," Quinn answered. She walked up the stairs and stared down the hall. Doors on either side were bedrooms, another study, and the bathroom.

Santana came up behind her. "Bathroom's there," She pointed at the first door on the right. "Me and Britt are going to run to the video store and get some movies. Want anything? It has to be a scary one though."

Quinn scrunched up her nose. She hated scary movies. Not because they scared her but because most of them were bloody and people always ended up getting killed or turn up missing. "Why scary?"

"Brittany,"

They shared a knowing smile. One didn't argue with Brittany's decisions. "I don't care. Something that's not really bloody if you can. I've already been close to passing out today."

Santana looked her over with studying eyes then narrowed them. "You going to be okay by yourself?"

"Yes," She headed for the bathroom.

"Okay," Santana looked at her sideways. "Call me if, I don't know, anything."

She nodded again then rolled her eyes once she was in the privacy of the bathroom. She heard Santana call for Brittany to go, followed by the alarm beeps as the front door opened and closed. Quinn waited until she heard the screech of Santana's tires then left the bathroom going to her room where Brittany had thrown her things.

She dug into Brittany's bag and looked over Santana's desk. She laughed at herself. Of course they'd take her car keys with them. She left the room going back to the bathroom grabbing a towel from the closet in the hall.

The sound of Santana yelling if she had drowned told her how long she had spent under the water and turned it off.

"Come on, Ariel. Time to sprout some legs." Teased Santana through the door.

"Okay, Ursula," She retorted.

"Oh, can I be flounder?" She heard Brittany ask.

Quinn hurried to dry off and get dressed. Feeling had returned to her legs and her joints didn't fell as stiff as they had before but her fatigue was still present. She smiled glad for it. The more tired she was the quicker she would fall asleep and get out of watching horror films and her mind would shut off from thoughts of Rachel.

Coming down the stairs, she joined Santana on the couch in front of the huge, flat screen a good three sizes bigger than the one she used to have. "That's new,"

"Stop being a stranger and maybe you won't be so shocked."

"It takes two to tango,"

"But only one to mess up the dance,"

"Are we going dancing after this?" Asked Brittany coming to join them on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn and a six-pack of orange soda in hand. She sat on Santana's other side.

"Not on a school night. Maybe Friday."

"Okay! Can Quinn come?"

"If she wants," Santana gave her those eyes that dared her to back out of it.

"Sure, I'll come," She agreed to whatever it was. When Santana smiled at her, she knew they were back to being the old buddies they used to be.

Quinn stomached her way through _Saw I_ and _II _only coming out partially traumatized and slightly nauseated. When Santana got up to put in _What Lie's Beneath, _she was starting to doze off with Brittany's legs in her lap while the rest of her body was cradled in Santana's.

Her head fell back on the cushion for what she thought was only five minutes but when her eyes fluttered open, the credits were rolling. Santana's feet were now also in her lap now, Brittany laying in her arms.

Catching Quinn's movements, Santana turned to face her. "You can go now if you want. Movie night's over."

"It's past midnight," Quinn yawned. "Why would I go home?"

Santana shrugged as she ran a hand through Brittany's corn silk hair. "Not like you wanted to come in the first place."

"I'm glad I did and I'm not driving home now. I might fall asleep at the wheel and, like you said, you need me alive."

"Right," She smiled looking back at the TV.

The credits finished and the DVD returned to the menu screen. Santana dug for the remote between her and the cushions and pressed stop, plunging them into darkness, the blue screen lighting up their faces.

"Are you okay, Quinn?" She asked suddenly.

The use of her full name caught her off guard. Serious Santana had entered the room. "I'm fine, Santana,"

"You've forgotten you talk in your sleep, haven't you?" Quinn's wide eyes gave her her answer. "Don't worry, you didn't really say much. You just…your dad's coming back?"

"I'm not sure. My mom mentioned it one day and we got into a huge fight over it." She sighed, lolling her head over to look at the blue screen. "Not that she cares what I want." She laughed mirthlessly. "She wanted me back home because she hates being alone but she wants him back more than me. That's how much he brainwashed her when I left."

"I'm sorry,"

Quinn smiled at the unfamiliar kindness. "He hasn't come back yet so I don't know what she's decided."

"And what can't you do with Rachel?" Quinn's mouth fell open and her body went as rigid and still as a statue. Brittany stirred in her slumber for a moment. "I won't ask if you don't want to tell."

"Thanks,"

"Mhmm,"

It was silent in the room again. Quinn heard the taps of the computer keyboard as Dr. Lopez typed away in his downstairs study. She had missed him come home completely. Not that she had missed much. Emmanuel Lopez wasn't the talkative type especially since the divorce when they were in eighth grade. Regardless, it would've been nice to say hi to him after so long.

"San," Brittany broke the silence as she started to wake up. She grabbed for Santana's shirt. "San, can you and Quinn sleep with me tonight? I'm scared."

Santana glanced at Quinn for her nod. "Of course, Britt. Come on, let's go to bed."

Quinn waited until Santana had Brittany up and led her up the stairs, Brittany hanging onto her the whole way to the room. Brittany plopped down in the middle and instantly wrapped her arms around Santana once she shimmied under the covers. Quinn took the place on her other side, letting Brittany tangle her legs in hers.

"Mmm," Said Brittany. "I like this. I missed you, Quinn."

"I missed you, B." She curled on her side closer to her.

She yawned. "Come over again?"

"If I'm invited."

"You're always invited." And she fell asleep.

A few seconds ticked by before Santana's voice cut through. "Hey, Quinn?"

"Yeah, Santana?"

"I, uh, missed you too."

"I missed you too, 'Tana."

"Don't be a stranger anymore or I'll wrap you in chains and drag you kicking and screaming over in the middle of the night."

"Noted,"

"And tomorrow you're going to tell me what the hell is going on with you, got it?" She didn't even wait for Quinn to say anything as she added, "Goodnight,"

"Night," Quinn made sure she could hear her eyeroll in her voice.

With an inward sigh, Quinn shut her eyes and tried to focus on the sleep that had come to her so easily just before but her mind was now filled with what she had been tiring to avoid. All she could think about was Rachel's date with Finn and if she was having more fun with him, engaging in all the things they had done with him.

It took her all her strength to not sneak out of Santana's house and walk to the other side of the alley gate where the Berry's lived.

Instead, she laid restlessly in bed until her mind could take no more and she fell asleep.

_Til Next Chapter_


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Rachel was thoroughly impressed with Finn's gentlemanly skills. When she walked down the walkway to his car, she was shocked he got out and opened her door for her. He even had The Best of Barbara Streisand playing for her. Not once did he try to hold her hand or drape it on the armrest lamely between them at the theatre for her to take.

When they walked into Breadstix, she grinned at him as he held her door, a painful twinge in her chest. Finn was actually trying and she wasn't certain she wanted to give up on Quinn just yet to peruse him. It wasn't fair to Finn, but she would stall with him until she was one hundred percent that she and Quinn were finished.

It made her cringe the way she was thinking. She had her fair share of selfish moments. Things like always fighting for the lead and voicing her opinions against everyone else's like hers were the best, but she had never been selfish to fiddle with other's hearts. She swallowed down that thought that that was exactly how Quinn was. She gave her the benefit of the doubt. Things were different with her.

Sitting across from him in the booth, Rachel stirred the straw in her water around aimlessly. Without a show playing in front of them, it forced them to converse but neither knew what to say. Finn resorted to looking around the restaurant awkwardly with his eyes and Rachel kept checking her phone every once in a while. Not that she had a reason to, but in the back of her mind she was expecting Quinn to text her. She saw the rigid tweak in her spine when she blurted about her date.

Rachel tucked her phone back into the pocket of her sweater and huffed. Finn caught it and furrowed his brow. "Bad news or something?"

"No news, actually," She sipped her water.

The waiter came and placed their food in front of them, a steaming basket of breadsticks in the middle of the table all glazed with butter and speckled with garlic. She turned up her nose and picked up her fork to stab at her fruit and vegetable salad.

They were halfway through eating when Finn finally piped up. "I think I convinced someone to join glee."

She raised her eyebrows, impressed. "Who?"

He smiled in triumph at gaining her approval. "His name is Sam. He's new, just transferred here a week ago. I heard him singing in the shower the other day and thought he would be good."

"Did he say he would join?"

Finn shrugged. "Not really. He said he'd think about it. After he saw you get slushied that one day, and the football guys taunted you about being in glee, he sorta got cold feet." Her face dropped and he scrambled to recover. "No, no, it's cool though. I think he really likes singing and he's got an eye on Quinn so, yeah, he might reconsider it."

Jealousy rose up in Rachel at the mention of some new boy having his eyes on Quinn. She then got angry at the way Finn had worded it as if he was using Quinn like a piece of meet to draw some savage beast into a trap.

"Is that not good?" He asked slowly.

Rachel shook her head as she stuffed a forkful of food into her mouth. She waited for her fury to subside before answering. "If you can get a solid answer out of him soon, that would be wonderful. Sectionals is quickly approaching and, even though we have hardly discussed the set list, being short a member would make the work wasted efforts."

"Got it," He nodded sharply. "I just wish glee didn't have such a bad wrap. It would help get people to join, ya'know?"

Rachel pursed her lips, nodding. "There's nothing wrong with being the underdogs. The student body, nor this town, realizes that just yet. It's all about image and trying to one up everyone else. I wouldn't be surprised if this Sam kid doesn't join. He did just come from an old school and his reputation is still undetermined."

"I see what you're saying but I don't know. Sam…he's a cool guy. I don't think he cares much about that stuff."

"When you're in Lima, you have to care about that stuff."

"You don't,"

"That's not true," She said softly. The waiter came by taking away their empty plates and placed the check on the table. Finn took it without looking and slid in his credit card. "I think about that stuff all the time. I simply choose not to try and please everyone else because I know that, one day in the future, they'll still be here cleaning pools and I'll be on the Broadway stage."

Finn smiled, laughing. "That's why I like you, Rach," She looked away, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

A few minutes passed, and the check was taken and Finn's card was returned. Finn led them out and they got into his car, the ride more pleasant then the one there. They might only have things concerning New Directions to talk about, but at least they were talking. It was a start and she was pleased at his efforts.

Rachel stared out the window. They were almost to the turn for her street when her eyes bugged out. Quinn's car was at Santana's?

"You okay?" Asked Finn hearing her gasp.

She nodded setting back into her seat as the turned down her street. "Thought I saw something." She smiled to him. The car pulled up in front of her house. "Tonight was really nice, Finn. Thanks for taking me out."

"Yeah, me too." She grinned and opened the door when Finn stopped her with a hand on her thigh. "Rachel, I really want to do this right with you."

"I know," She touched his face softly. "Tonight showed me how much you care even if you were nodding off during the show."

"Right. Sorry about that."

"It's okay," She smiled sincerely dropping her hand away. "See you in glee?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "Oh," Finn jumped out of the car rounding around to open Rachel's for her.

He walked her to her door and waited for her to find the key. "Thanks again, Finn."

"Yeah, thanks for giving me a chance."

"Well..." She said awkwardly. "Goodnight,"

Just as she got the key in, Finn bent down giving her a timid kiss on the lips. He pulled back from it, uncertainty furrowing his eyebrows. She smiled to reassure him it was okay.

"Goodnight," She said again.

"Night, Rachel,"

Once inside, Rachel touched her lips. She waited for the bubbly sensation in her stomach to overwhelm her the way it did the first time Finn had kissed her, but only a tiny tingle ran through her veins and fizzled away. Sighing, she hung her keys on the hook by the door and went for the stairs to go to her room.

"Rachel, honey, is that you?" Called one of her dads from the den.

"It's me, daddy. Let me change first and I'll come tell you and dad all about it." She called back putting some life in her voice.

She hurried to get switched into a pair of pajama pants and a shirt and came back down the steps. In the den, she found her dad's sitting on the couch watching a SciFi movie. Upon seeing her, they parted so she could plop down between them. Her dad, Darren, threw his arm over the back of their couch, his big, dark brown eyes peering happily down at her. Her daddy, Berry, crossed his legs on her other side boring curiously into her with light green eyes through his glasses.

Rachel beamed where she sat. She hadn't seen her dads look at her this impatiently and happy since she sang her heart out at Regionals. But this was a different kind of joy. Their daughter had gone out on a real date with a real boy. It was something both men wanted and hoped for her. Knowing Rachel's bottom of the totem pole status at school, they weren't sure when the opportunity would come for her.

Having head Cheerio Quinn Fabray come by here and there had been on thing to the Berry's. Rachel hadn't shared much about her with them except for their previous relationship and how that had changed since she had her child. They were taken aback to learn that their daughter's biological mother had adopted Quinn's child and worried for Rachel's well being but she seemed okay with it after a while. Regardless of their budding friendship, Quinn stayed under the radar whenever she would visit.

Seeing a friend like Quinn with Rachel made them happy, but to hear that quarterback Finn Hudson asked their joy of life out was extreme news.

"So?" Pressed her dad, his smile huge. "How was it?"

Rachel shrugged. "Oh, it was normal. Nothing fancy, you know."

"That's too bad, Rach," Her daddy patted her sympathetically on the knee.

Her lip pulled out from between her teeth as she started to smile even bigger. "I'm only joking, it was wonderful," She saw them relax. "Finn was actually a decent gentlemen. He opened all my doors and pulled out my chair and walked me to the door."

"He's really trying, isn't he?" Laughed Berry "Sounds like someone I know. A very persistent someone." He shot a look to his husband.

"Did he kiss you on the first date, too?" Asked Darren. Rachel nodded and both men shared laughs and teasing comments. "I think I've taken a liking to his Hudson boy."

"You might but has Rachel?"

They watched as Rachel's bright smile faltered but didn't completely fall. She looked away from them trying to form an acceptable answer. She wanted to say yes she had taken a bit of liking to him but in more of a friend sense. She wanted to say that her feelings were directed to his ex girlfriend who had taken her heart away one summer night with a chaste kiss on the lips and an eyeful of sorrowful tears. She wanted to break down and tell them she was only pursuing Finn because Quinn had rejected her and they would never see her around again.

Instead, Rachel answered them, "Yes. I've always had a crush on Finn so him asking me to be his girlfriend was huge but I want to take it slow in case he changes his mind. Sometimes he can be incredibly mature and let his image get in the way and I don't want to get hurt by him."

"Like that Jesse boy did," Commented Darren.

Berry nodded in agreement. "Finn's already looking better then him but I'm proud of you for taking things slow, Rach. Very mature of you."

"Thank you, daddy," She forced herself to yawn. "If you'd excuse me, I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to go to sleep."

"Of course, sweetheart," Berry kissed her on the cheek.

Standing up, she gave Darren a kiss on his. "Goodnight,"

"Night, Rachel." They said simultaneously. She tiptoed off hearing them continue talking about Finn and how happy they were for her.

Rachel closed her door then ran for her window, splitting the blinds with her fingers. She squinted through them at the Lopez's house across the way. The light in the downstairs study was on telling her that Dr. Lopez was busy at work. Looking to the second story, she saw that Santana's room light was on. Rachel squinted tighter trying to catch any silhouettes but the light flicked off and she sighed.

She couldn't figure out why Quinn was at Santana's. The last time Quinn told her about the two girl's friendship, she didn't think they'd ever rekindle it. Rachel remembered them and Brittany well from her eighth grade year when she moved to the new part of Lima that put her in the district that sent her to the same school as the trio.

She was lucky, or not so lucky, to have choir with Quinn and Santana. The first day she came in, Santana was particularly upset, and when Rachel started singing, she had attacked her. So began Santana's verbal abuse on her. She thought Quinn would've done something. She looked nicer, kinder, than the other girls who sneered at her in jealous awe but she hadn't. What surprised Rachel more was that Quinn didn't start to torment her until their first year in high school.

Rachel walked away from her window to sit on her bed. She looked at the opposite side of her bed where Quinn always laid. An uncomfortable hollowness sank Rachel's chest. She missed her. She missed Quinn more than she missed her voice when she had gotten laryngitis. There hadn't been a night when she'd gone into her shower and wished she heard Quinn's humming coming through the door. Some nights she even started to hum it herself. She even slept on Quinn's side of the bed, wishing and hoping she would return.

Instead of Finn's kiss, she craved Quinn's touch. Instead of a date with Finn, she wanted a silent night of lying side by side with Quinn. Instead of Finn's cheesy grins and awkward mannerisms, she wanted Quinn's slow blinks and graceful movements as she navigated around her body.

Lying down, Rachel cried using the comforter to muffle her sob. She didn't care what Quinn said. She needed, no, wanted her and she would get her back. She would make Quinn realize the truth and stop her from lying to herself. She would cure this addiction she had the only way she could. She would clam her drug for herself.

-/-/-/-

Sitting down at the lab station, Quinn glanced at Finn beside her. Instead of his uncomfortable scowl, a pleasant grin was on his face. She guessed the date with Rachel had been a good one. She seethed in envy in her seat and hoped the lab for the day didn't require much conversing with your partner.

It hadn't and Quinn was thankful but Finn went and ruined their silence by talking to her anyways. "Hey Quinn?"

"What is it, gigantor?"

She saw him roll his eyes but nothing more. The date must've gone extremely good. "You know how we need another glee member and Mr. Schue sort of put me and Rachel in charge?"

"Uh huh,"

"Well there's this new guy, Sam. He's on the football team and he has a pretty good voice and I told him about it but he hasn't really given me an answer yet if he'll join or not."

"The way you ramble, maybe you and Rachel _are_ meant for each other." She said under her breath. "What does this have to do with me?"

"He's kind of into you,"

"Oh," She deadpanned finally turning to look at Finn.

She knew who Sam was. They had bumped into each other in the cafeteria one day. She saw how his eyes melted at the sight of her and his lame attempt to get her to sit with him was total garbage but she accepted. She sat through fifteen minutes of his babbling before she got up with an excuse and left. If it hadn't been the fact Rachel was directly in her line of sight across the cafeteria, she probably would've stuck around longer. He wasn't a loser, just an awkward, private school boy.

"And, what? You want me to flutter my lashes and sway my hips to try and convince him to say yes?"

"Yeah, kind of. But you don't have to seduce him or anything." He added at her eye roll. "Just talk to him, maybe? He probably won't turn you down and if he gets to see you more in a day he might go for it."

"You mean if he can stare my ass in my Cheerio's skirt he might go for it."

"I don't think Sam's that kind of guy."

"Finn, that's every kind of guy." He sighed turning his attention to his worksheet. She groaned inwardly at his pout. She couldn't let her jealousy of him and Rachel ruin the glee club. "Fine," She said softly. Finn snapped his attention to her. "I'll talk to him."

"Really?"

"Sure. If it's for the club I guess I'll do it."

"Thanks, Quinn," He smiled at her. She echoed it only because it was the first time he had looked at her like that since the baby drama went down. "When we win sectionals and get to regionals you won't regret it."

"Don't get your hopes up just yet." She muttered returning back to her lab.

Out the corner of her eye, she saw him grinning and waited for it to go away but it didn't. She narrowed her eyes knowing what kind of look it was. It was the look he got when he was pleased with himself but not in a way of achieving a difficult task, but pleased with himself like the time she let him get to second base. It was enough confirmation to let Quinn know that his date with Rachel had gone wonderful.

She boiled in her chair. He actually managed a night out with Rachel and didn't screw it up with his idiocy. She had to figure out how he managed it, so she asked.

"Don't get me wrong, but why do you care? You don't even like Rachel." He said to her question on how his date had gone. "And how did you know?"

"You think you could go out and not be seen by anyone?" She came back quickly. "One of the cheerios said something in the locker room this morning. So how did it go?" She asked again.

He shrugged indifferently, but his grin was still present. She clenched her jaw. "Good, I guess. We saw a show and ate dinner. She wants to take it slow so I can prove to her I'm serious."

"You? Serious?" She snorted.

"You and I were serious. Why wouldn't I be with Rachel?"

"Because it's Rachel,"

"You don't even know her, Quinn," His eyebrows turned down. Quinn bit the inside of her cheek to hold back the sputter of words that wanted to shoot out. "And I'd like you to stop talking bad about her. She never did anything to you."

Anger flared up in Quinn's gut. "You cheated on me with her." She pulled the cheat card out of nowhere regretting it as soon as it was said, knowing what would be the come back.

"And you screwed Puck,"

"You don't deserve her," She said quieter. People had started turning hands and listening in. The last thing she needed was for the drama from the previous year to spread through the school again.

"What do I deserve? Only girls who cheat on me with my best friends?" The bell rang. "Just…leave Rachel alone, okay?"

Throwing his things in his backpack, Finn hurried out the room. Quinn stayed put waiting for everyone to exit the class, and the teacher, before she let out a low, frustrated scream into her hands.

The beat of her heart hurt her aching chest as it fluttered hard against her ribs. Her stomach was in tight knots making her uncomfortable and nauseated. Finn's words stung. Of course she knew Rachel. She had spent the last three and a half months sort of being friends with her. She knew Rachel, didn't she?

She knew she was an amazing singer and a vegan and wanted to be on Broadway. She knew Rachel loved argyle and short skirts. She knew Rachel had a mouthful of words and a heedful of opinions. She knew the places on Rachel's neck that made her squirm and the strokes of her hand that made her shiver. She knew Rachel liked to take long, searing showers and sing show tunes while she scrubbed. She knew Rachel.

Quinn fished for something beyond the obvious and beyond sexual. The only thing she drew was that Rachel was caring and a good listener. She had to have been if she listened to her spill her guts out on multiple occasions. Quinn couldn't even remember half the stuff she told Rachel and not once did she stop to let Rachel talk. It had all been her, her, and her and Rachel let her keep going.

It was hardly fair, Quinn realized, and she felt sick to her stomach at the realization. She had been terrible to Rachel before. She called her names and threw her fair share of slushies. She even helped some of the other cheerleaders throw toilet paper all over her house and yard. But that didn't seem hardly as cruel as what she was doing now. And still Rachel wanted to be her friend. She probably was better off with Finn.

Taking long, deep breaths, Quinn got a hold of herself and gathered her things and left the classroom.

Despite of what happened, Quinn held to her word to Finn and hurried to lunch to find Sam. It didn't take long to spot his bright head bouncing through the cafeteria. She sashayed her way over, picking up a tray, and cut in line to be next to him. When he turned, she smiled at him.

"Hey," His wide mouth stretched out into a cute boy grin.

"Hey yourself," She echoed his grin. "Sam, isn't it?"

"Yeah. You're Quinn."

"Glad you remembered."

"How could I forget?"

She fought back an eye roll as they pushed through the line. She grabbed random food and placed it on her tray. They went to pay and she started to walk away for the Cheerio's table when he called after her like she wanted, asking her to sit with him. She nodded and let him lead her to the same table as before. Quinn cringed as she sat down hoping this would be quick because she couldn't stand to see Rachel. Her eyes shot over to the table Rachel sat at and was surprised she wasn't there. She shifted her gaze to another table where Finn was. Just as she predicted, she was sitting right up next to him.

"So," Quinn started quickly. "Do you do anything else besides football?"

Sam shook his head. "Not really. Football and baseball and then track at the end of the year."

She pursed her lips and rose and eyebrow seductively. "All athletic,"

He nodded proud of himself. "Are you just a Cheerio?"

She shook her head as she popped a salty French fry into her mouth. "I'm in glee club also."

"Oh, yeah. New Directions or something." His face skewed into slight distaste. "That Hudson guy was telling me about it the other day. He was saying you were short a member but I don't think I'll be good enough."

"How come? If Finn thinks so, then you must have a good voice."

He shrugged, his self-consciousness and flattery turning his cheeks a light shade of pink. "I don't know. I was walking by the choir room yesterday during one of your practices and you guys sound real good. Don't think I could keep up."

Quinn laughed, eyebrows raised. "I could help you keep up." She offered licking a dab of ketchup from her pinkie.

"Yeah?" She nodded. "I'm still not sure. Doesn't sound like you guys are that popular."

"I'm head cheerleader and you're in running to be the next quarterback. Glee will hardly taint your reputation, not that you have one here yet since you're new and," She paused to look back over at Finn and Rachel.

Her eyes found Finn who shot daggers in her direction. She rolled her eyes away from him and turned back to Sam who was waiting for her to continue. "And if you do this for the team, I'll let you take me out."

"Like a date?"

"If you'd like to call it that."

"Tonight?" She scrunched up her face as if she were really thinking about it then shook her head. "Oh. When?"

"You come to glee tomorrow and I'll let you know."

"Sweet. I'm in."

"I thought so," She said in her breathiest of voices. Picking up his phone, she saved her number in it and got up. "I'll tell you when to call me. Don't worry, you won't have to wait long if you keep up your end."

"Got it,"

Quinn's smile fell once she turned away from Sam and made her way out of the cafeteria. All the way out she could feel Rachel's eyes on her back. Finn probably told her what they had planned and it bothered her. It probably looked like she was actually going for Sam and she didn't want it to look that way. Why not? Rachel had Finn now and she cut the cord with Rachel so what did it matter?

She shook her head in frustration, spending the rest of lunch in the locker room.

_Til Next Chapter_


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four  
**

Being raised in the strict, Christian home that she was, Quinn was taught many things. Things that she would never consider in her life like murder or incest and things that she knew she shouldn't do like steal and lie but she made sure to repent after each one. In all of those Sunday school lessons and mid-week bible study groups she was forced to go to by her parents, she had also been told that envy was not a flattering thing. That one shouldn't be jealous of another because everyone is given what they need and she is given what she needs. Such as, she shouldn't be jealous of Brittany because she could dance like no one she had ever seen because Quinn was given the gift of perfect double back flips.

Very few things in Quinn's life had come about that she truly got jealous of. Little things like girls having flatter stomachs, her sister being able to marry and leave their shit of a home quickly, and how Santana managed to snag and bed any guy and never once have a pregnancy scare. There had never been anything, anything, that made her this envious. Envious to the point she almost considered murder for once.

Her eyes couldn't seem to stay off Finn and Rachel. Whenever she saw them, which was a lot more then she had liked, her eyes were instantly on them. It made her feel a lot of things, particularly anger, but she knew anger was something people use to cover what really lied beneath. It made her burn with resentment because if she had to put it into her bible day's philosophy, technically she had Rachel first. But that wasn't what got to her the most. What got to her was that Rachel actually looked happy with him.

Coming out of morning Cheerio's practice, she would see them walking closely together, smiling and laughing over God knows what. After their arms brushed against each other for so long, Finn would reach down and lace his fingers with hers. It was all very fluffy and sickening and painful to see. Painful because each time she saw Rachel crack a smile when she looked at Finn, the farther apart it seemed they were fading and the weaker and out of sync Quinn began to feel.

She walked into the choir room after school and sat down next to Sam. He smiled at her and she echoed the gesture. Sam was a good guy, she found out from talking to him a couple times at lunch and in rehearsal, and he never pressed the fact she promised him a date and she liked him even more for it. Every time they sat with each other, Mercedes would give her a nudge and those 'go for it girl' eyes. She waved it off with a shy smile.

"You're still coming," Said Quinn, bumping her shoulder into his.

"Yeah, I gotta admit, I like it here. It's fun." He shrugged. "The teasing sucks, but I can put up with it I guess. I use to do this at my old school and I missed it so," He trailed off.

"Oh," She nodded. She could've easily let the idea of the date she promised him fade away but she was a Fabray and Fabray's never go back on promises. "I'm free tonight," She said a few seconds later.

His already hug grin grew even wider. "You wanna go out?"

"Sure," She said, peering up at him through her eyelashes. "I'll be ready at eight and you don't have to tell me what we're doing. I like surprises."

"Cool," Leaning over him, she wrote down her address in his notebook. "Eight?"

"Eight," She nodded just as Mr. Schue came into the room.

Quinn listened halfheartedly, catching Mr. Schue say something about a Beatles Medley for sectionals. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Rachel stood up like she used to, saying they should do the _Across The Universe _versions of the songs and started spouting off titles.

"Only if I get to sing _I Wanna Hold Your Hand._" Said Kurt.

"We'll see," Rachel said back to him and continued going on about how The Beatles would be perfect to sing.

Quinn sat back watching her silently. The last time she had seen Rachel so animated was one night when she came over. Quinn was sitting on her bed in a slump as she spent most of her summer. Her mother told her it was Postpartum Depression and she'd get out of it in a month or so, but Quinn didn't care what it was called. It sucked and her life sucked and everything sucked. And, like a little ray of sunshine, Rachel came bouncing into her room instantly brightening the mood with a case full of CD's.

She popped in a CD that had old, early nineties pop music. Quinn didn't even know she listened to pop music. "Get up," She yanked at Quinn's wrist to pull her off the bed. Reluctantly, she slid off the bed and let Rachel thread her fingers in hers and stated to twist her.

"What're you doing?" She had asked, smiling confused.

"Dancing. It always helps me feel better. Well, that and singing, but I know how you like to dance, so we're dancing."

So, Quinn did. She let Rachel twirl her around and make her jump up and down. Song after song after song, they danced and Quinn started to laugh, actually laugh, and seeing the glow in Rachel's eyes filled her up with so much happiness it made her heart hurt. Almost how much the back of her head hurt at that moment.

"Hey!" Quinn yelled. Santana stood over her, hand still raised in the air after smacking her. "What was that for?"

"We have to get to practice." She said, picking up Quinn's bag for her. She looked around to see the Choir room was empty except for Rachel, Finn and Mr. Schue talking by the piano. "Lets go," She ordered.

Quickly, she got up, snatching her bag away from Santana. She tried her best not to look over at the three at the piano, but her eyes wondered there regardless. Rachel had picked up Finn's hands and placed them on her as she started to sing _Hold Me Tight _and throw them into a rough dance demonstration for Mr. Schue. She blinked away, another shard falling off her heart.

Cheerios practice was less rigorous that afternoon. Sue didn't seem like she wanted to yell and fuss about how horrible they were doing. It was a waste of breath so she ended it promptly at six. No one on the squad started to cheer about how glad they were practice was over on time until Sue had went back indoors and they all rejoiced.

She hurried into the locker room to shower and get changed then went to her locker to get her stuff. She had just pulled out her things when the door was slammed shut almost getting her fingers.

"Would you stop it," Quinn snarled at Santana. "What do you want now?"

"Um, I'm sorry," She tweaked her neck as she spoke. "If I wanted to talk to a bitch I'd just go stand in front of a mirror and talk to myself for an hour."

"At least you know you are a bitch."

"I learn from the best," She zigzagged her eyes up and down Quinn. She rolled her eyes. "I haven't forgetten about what you're suppose to be telling me."

Quinn sighed, heading for the exit but Santana, now in front of her, permitted her from doing so. "Santana, I don't want to talk right now."

"What happened today?" She asked suddenly. Quinn cocked an eyebrow. "Why are you already pissed?"

"I'm not…" She twisted out of Santana's hand that held her shoulders.

"You know, Quinn," Started Santana, her eyes washing over her. "You're starting to worry me a little bit. I can hardly figure you out anymore."

"Good,"

"Not good. What the hell changed? And what the hell is so whack that you can't even tell me? After hearing you ask me to show you how girls have sex, there's nothing weird left."

"Oh my god, please, shut up." She ran her hands through her hair. "There's nothing to tell."

Quinn raised her eyebrow as Santana studied her. Her outer shell was holding up better than she expected but she still felt like Santana could see how crumbled she was behind it. Their eyes locked and Quinn was sure she saw it then but she just rolled her eyes giving up. Quinn sighed inwardly in relief.

She didn't know why she couldn't tell Santana. Maybe because when she told someone, anyone, it brought how weird and wrong and confusing and mixed up everything was into light. If she could deal with it herself, on the inside, and have it gone then there would be no need to come clean. She would sweep it under the rug.

"Are you still coming out with me and Britt Friday since you missed last Friday and the Friday before that?" She asked letting it drop.

She shrugged. "I don't feel like dancing. You two always leave me out."

"We don't have to go dancing. We can hang at my house again and play scrabble or Brit and I can finally give you a demonstration on how-."

"The former would be nice, thanks," Quinn's cheeks lit red and the smug look on Santana's face made it worse.

"Kay, but not scrabble. I hate that game and Brittany has the vocabulary of a goldfish."

"Whatever Brittany decides, I don't care," She waved her hand over head.

"What about tonight?"

She shook her head. "I'm going out with Sam tonight."

"So?" She shrugged. "Come over afterwards and you can tell us all about how good lady lips can kiss."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I don't kiss on the first date, San,"

"You should," She nodded. "Then, later on, when you find out how bad making out is with him, you can just drop him instead of sticking around and pretending like it's hot when it's not."

"You should start an advice hotline."

"Really?"

"No,"

-/-/-/-

"Sam, where _are _you taking us?" She laughed uncomfortably, staring out the window.

They had been on the road for at least half an hour. There was nothing but open terrain to the left and right of the road. She thought he was going to be like all the other guys and take her to Breadstix and pay for the meal and try to be charming and get her to make out with them. Not Sam. She couldn't figure out where they were going. The only time she had traveled so far out was family reunions or Cheerio's competitions.

"We're almost there," He assured her with a quick smile.

She laughed despite herself and sat back in her seat. After watching those horror movies with Santana and Brittany, her mind was being irrational and making Sam out to be a serial killer who lured pretty girls into the country where no one would find them and kill them. Quinn looked at him out the corner of her eye. Sam didn't look like any predator but what did she know? He could've been the biggest perv at his old school. Then again…it was an all boy's school.

Before her mind could warp Sam into Hannibal Lecter, civilization popped back into view and soon Sam pulled the car into a drive-in theatre. Without telling her what they were seeing, he drove the car to a lot dotted with other cars all facing a huge screen. Turning on the radio, he tuned it to the station that would allow them to be able to hear the audio.

Shutting the engine off, he glanced over at her. "So?" He asked.

She shook her head, exasperated. "I haven't been here since I was, like, ten." She admitted laughing again. "I used to love his place."

"Really? I guess I did good."

"Yes, you did but," She narrowed her eyes. "Did Finn have anything to do with this?"

His brow furrowed. "No, I like this place too. We have family nights out here once a month." He explained and Quinn sat back impress. "We usually come and see new movies but my favorites are the old classics."

He motioned to the board that had the name of the movies that would be playing. "Casablanca?" Quinn read. "How romantic,"

Sam shrugged. "Want any popcorn or anything?"

"Sure, popcorn is fine."

"Cool. I'll be back. Anything to drink?"

"Water, please. Thanks." He nodded once and left the car to find the concession stand.

Quinn looked around at the other lots taking everything in. She loved the drive-in. Mostly because it was far away from home but also because it gave her memories of old days when she was younger and still innocent. When daddy would let her sit on the hood of the car where she'd fall asleep before the movie was half way through. When going to the movies with a boy was just a movie with a boy and not a date. When things were simpler and, though she was naive, she felt she had everything about her and life figured out.

After a while, Sam came back and handed her a bottle of water and placed a huge tub of buttery popcorn between them. He also had two hot dogs to share and a box of chocolate candy.

"My sister thinks it's gross, but I love eating this with my popcorn." He said, taking a handful of chocolate candy and added popcorn to it. She scrunched up her nose watching him eat it. "Want to try?"

"No thank you," She finished the last of her hotdog and crumbled the wrapper.

"Ah, come on," He held out the box of candy to her. "Just once and I promise you won't regret it."

Giving in, she took some chocolate and some popcorn and shoved it into her mouth. It was weird and different, sweet and salty, but not terrible. She tried a bit more, taste buds perking up in approval.

"You like it?"

"Surprisingly, yes," She ate more.

They were in the middle of talking about weird food combinations of food and Quinn was trying to convince him that pickles with ice cream was actually very delicious when the movie started. Sam turned up the volume and they reclined their chairs as the opening credits started. The black and white of the film made Quinn feel like she was had been plunged into the innocent days of the past and she relaxed, things of Rachel and Finn back home leaving her mind.

She was so relaxed that when Sam reached over during the middle of the movie to touch her hair, she let him, enjoying the stroke of his fingers through the strands. She lolled her head over to look at him.

"You have really pretty eyes," He said softly. She smiled at him, covering his hand with hers and he threaded his fingers with hers.

She brought their hands down to rest on her knee where they remained until the credits rolled. Revving engines around them drew Quinn back to reality and she quickly snatched her hand away from Sam's. He didn't seem to mind and started the car to take them home.

"You're a really sweet guy, Sam," She said once they breeched the Lima city limits. "Maybe going to an all boy's school did you good."

"Maybe," He laughed. "You're not like the other cheerleaders." She raised her eyebrows for an explanation. "I don't know how to put it nicely. You're not a bitch."

She chuckled. "And you're not a pig like the other football players."

"Yeah, I guess," He dropped his hand to the gearshift and Quinn grabbed it to hold again. Sam's cheeks went slightly pink and he smiled.

When they pulled up to her house and he threw the car in park, she tugged at his hand to get his attention. "Thank you for tonight," She said in a whisper. "I really needed to get away for a while."

"Glad I could help,"

Finger beneath his chin, Quinn pulled him closer to place a sweet kiss on his lips. Sam leaned back, his green eyes bright with excitement. "Wow," He breathed. "Can I maybe do that-"

Quinn cut him off with another kiss, just as sweet as the first, but stronger. She felt his lips move against hers and she opened her eyes beginning to end it and gasped.

Quinn pulled back cupping Sam's face in her palms. "What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing," She said through her teeth, eyes snapping back to him. "It's late and we have school tomorrow." She said.

"I almost forgot," She dropped her hands away from his face and got out the car. "I'll see you tomorrow then," She skipped to her front door.

"Do you think we can do it again sometime?" He yelled out the window. She laughed softly as she slipped inside, only offering him a wink in response.

She waited until she heard him drive away before storming back outside. She got to the car parked on the other side of the street and banged on the window. Rachel sat up from her crouched position. They stared at each other through the window until Rachel popped the locks. Quinn rounded to the passenger side and got in.

"What are you doing here?" She snarled in a whisper. Her night had been going so well, so, so well. She had forgotten about Rachel for one night and she had to show up on her street to go and mess it all up.

Rachel didn't look at her. "What were you doing with Sam?"

"I could call the cops on you, you know that?" Rachel glanced at her for a second. "Why are you here? You need to leave."

"I don't know," She dropped her head. "I was coming back from Finn's and I turned on your street and then I saw you and Sam and I couldn't start up the car and leave because I didn't want you to see me." She said in a flurry.

"You could've called or text me or something."

"You wouldn't have answered,"

"I'm going inside," Quinn said firmly.

She reached for the knob when Rachel said, "It's wrong, you know? You're playing with his emotions. That isn't right."

"I'm not playing-"

"I saw you making out with him. He obviously likes you, Quinn. Did you just go out with him so he would stay in glee?"

"I did what I did to help glee." Quinn said quickly. "I actually do enjoy it in there and I don't want to see it get ruined because we're short a person." She raised her voice. "You of all people should understand that."

"And I do, but I would never string someone along."

"What makes you think that I might not like Sam?" She came back defensively. "It could happen. He's sweet, a little dorky, but charming and he's nice."

"So first you do it to me and now you're doing it to Sam?" Rachel laid her deep brown eyes on Quinn. She struck a nerve. "Quinn, you can't keep lying to me or lying to yourself. You can say that you were only doing it because you needed someone to care about you, but I know it's more than that because it's more than that for me too."

"It's not more than that, Rachel," Quinn raised her voice. "I'm sorry, but it's not, and I'm sorry you feel that way about me but I can't return your feelings."

Rachel grabbed for Quinn's hand but she pulled it away. "You're not as fearless as you try to come off to be."

"Sometimes fear is a good thing." Said Quinn.

"You don't have to be afraid, Quinn."

Quinn scoffed but it didn't have the desired effect as she wanted. Rolling her eyes, she threw open the car door and climbed out, slowly walking across the street.

When she got to the door, she looked back over her shoulder catching Rachel's eye then closed the door not minding to lock it. She went to her parent's room and peeked in to find her mom asleep in bed, a half empty bottle of vodka on her night table. Quinn closed her door then went up to her room and sat down on her bed kicking off her shoes.

Time seemed to pass excruciatingly slow as she waited. The sound of her front door opening and closing, and the steady steps up the stairs felt like it was happening in slow motion. Rachel finally opened her door and closed it before approaching Quinn, taking her face in her hands. She dragged her thumbs across her cheeks to wipe away the tears that trickled down her face.

"Is Sam really nice?"

Quinn nodded. "But he's not you," She muttered not looking up to meet Rachel's eyes.

"What are you afraid of, Quinn?" Rachel whispered into her ear. "You don't have to be scared."

Quinn sniffled. "Don't talk, please," She murmured, stringing her arms around Rachel's neck.

She pulled her down onto her as she lay back on the bed, Rachel's lips placing soft kisses from her ear, down to her neck, then ending at her lips. Quinn brushed her lips with hers slowly pulling them farther up the bed. Wrapping her legs around Rachel's back, she bit forcefully into the kiss, knocking the breath from Rachel's lungs.

Impatiently, she slid her hands down Rachel's sides, fingers hooking on the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Flipping them over, she dropped her mouth from Rachel's, trailing down the length of her neck to her collarbone. Rachel sighed in pleasure as Quinn dipped between her breast, her hands working at the zipper of her skirt to take it off.

A cluster of tears fell onto Rachel's stomach and she kissed them away quickly, continuing her descend to just above the line of Rachel's underwear. Before she could go further, Rachel pulled her back up to look in her eyes, glossy with tears.

Rachel wiped them away then turned them back over so she was on top, her hands moving slowly to remove Quinn's clothes, her wondering mouth continuing its search over her porcelain skin. Quinn's breath hitched in her throat and Rachel kissed her cheek.

"I need you, Rachel," She whispered breathlessly concentrating on the slow slid of Rachel's hand down her stomach. "That's all. I just need you,"

She kissed her lips softly, laying her body flush against Quinn's as her hand reached its destination. "I'm here, Quinn. I'm here," She said into her mouth in harmony with Quinn's shaky moan.

Nothing else mattered in that moment.

_Til Next Chapter_


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Rachel woke up slowly. She rubbed her eyes and tried to get up but something was holding her in place. Craning her neck back, she gasped seeing Quinn, her bare body flush against hers. Everything from the night came back to her in a wave of pleasure and grief. Carefully, she lifted Quinn's arm from her and got up, the chill of the room rising goose bums all over her skin.

Locating her under garments, she threw them back on followed by her clothes. The clock on Quinn's nightstand indicated it was four in the morning so she slowed down. Quinn wouldn't wake until six to get ready for practice. She sat down on the bed to slip her shoes on when there as a rustle of blankets.

"Rachel?" Quinn asked groggily.

She didn't turn around. "I have to take the car home." She moved to get up to fix her hair in the mirror. "I didn't exactly tell my dads I would be staying at your house, or anyone's house for that matter."

There was a long stretch of silence making Rachel believe that Quinn had fallen back to sleep. "You shouldn't have stayed." Quinn said suddenly making her jump.

Rachel turned to look at her. Hair disheveled and sleep in her eyes and she was still breathing taking beautiful. "You should've locked the door."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "You shouldn't have come inside."

"You should've told me to leave." She placed a firm hand on her hip.

"I did in the car," Quinn said, her voice finally with her. "You decided to ignore me."

Rachel pointed a finger at her. "Because you wanted me to ignore it."

"Oh?"

"Yes,"

Quinn rolled onto her stomach with a groan of irritation. Rachel heard the apology in her sigh before she even spoke. "I'm sorry about last night." She said into her pillow. "You and Finn are together and he's not very forgiving of cheaters."

"Me and Finn aren't together."

Quinn peeked at her for a moment to ask, "Why not?"

"Do you want me to be with him?" She asked but Quinn didn't answer. She sighed. "You know how I used to feel about Finn and I'd like to say I still feel that way about him, and maybe I still do a little. He's been proving himself to be a decent boyfriend but ever since the summer with you all of that changed."

Quinn looked away from her again to hide her face. Rachel wondered when that started to change, when Quinn no longer showed her the truth in her expression. They had been so open with each other before. It was painful to see her given the coldness once again.

"You're better off with Finn," It was said so softly it took a moment for Rachel to gather the words. Her insides fumed at the statement.

"Then," She breathed deeply. "Can we at least be friends?"

"No," She said immediately. Rachel flinched at the snappiness. "I don't know how to be just your friend, Rachel. So no."

Rachel moved to sit on her side of the bed again. She reached out, pressing her palm against Quinn's bare back. Her fingers traced the red lines where her nails and tore down her spine. The night was good. She thought she felt Quinn's resolve slip away as she confessed so tearfully that she needed Rachel. It hurt her heart to see her cry, see her cry over her. She had spent the rest of the night until they had fallen asleep kissing and stroking away Quinn's tears.

She was through to her again but the morning proved her wrong. Only Quinn could turn the switch on and off.

Rachel curved her fingers to graze nails over Quinn's back. She saw her shudder and she grinned. "So don't just be my friend," She said softly.

Quinn turned her head so Rachel could see her face. It was hard set and blank, but there was something in her eyes, something clouded and troubled that Rachel couldn't gather. "Not possible,"

It hurt more than in the hall when Quinn said so easily that she didn't need her. Then, Rachel was sure she still had a chance but now she wasn't so certain and it made her ache. "Then what does this mean to you?"

"An escape from this," she rolled so Rachel could no longer touch her. Another blow to the chest. "I don't think about it when I'm with you."

"Don't you think it's selfish to use me this way?" Rachel stood back up to hover over the bed. She looked at the tangled sheets and blankets.

Just hours before, Quinn was tugging on her pleading for more contact, more passion, for more something to make up for those days they had lost. Quinn had kissed her with purpose, with need and want that left Rachel breathless and, at the end of the night, drained of everything in her.

Quinn curled on her side, her chin resting on her knees. She wouldn't look at her. "I'm a selfish person, Rachel, and you know that."

"But you're not. Not really." Quinn shut her eyes. "Whether you remember or not, you let me in once. I just wish you'd stop trying to keep me out."

She shook her head "I can't do that,"

"Why?" She waited for Quinn to answer but she had gone stone cold on her. "I don't understand what you're doing, Quinn. Did this summer mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you? Were you just using me to get out of your depression and having sex with me just because you could?"

"No," She answered slowly. That was the most truth she had heard from her the entire morning.

"Then what? Do you not know how it feels to be showed one thing but told another? When I'm with you, it's like you want me around and you're sweet and say you need me, but then you turn around and say this is hardly anything but an escape and that you don't want to be my friend or anything. What do you want, Quinn? What are you so afraid of?"

Quinn's hazel eyes fell open finding hers. The next word out of her mouth was the last blow Rachel could take. "Leave," It dropped off her lips like the painful stab to the stomach. "Rachel," There was no strain, no conflicted emotion on her face. "Leave,"

"Fine," Rachel spun around to hide the oncoming tears. She swung the door open and stormed out, peering over her shoulder to say, "I won't wait for you forever, Quinn. It hurts too much."

With that, she shut the door. She had wanted to slam it to execute a proper storm out, but knowing Judy was downstairs, she would be respectful. She tiptoed down the stairs and gently opened the door to leave. She felt strange to be running out of the Fabray's like she was. Usually it was Quinn leaving her house in the dead of night before she woke up.

Jumping in her car, she started it up, cringing at how loud the engine roared in the still sleeping neighborhood and pulled out. She was happy to find her dads were still asleep and she quickly hurried up to her room. They probably thought she had been having a good night with Finn to come back before midnight, and since it was so rare that she had anyone to hang out with, they let her curfew slid.

By six, she was on her elliptical but her work out was unenthusiastic. As she worked out, she thought about Quinn and as she thought about Quinn, her eyes started to water. She quickly flicked away her stray tears, irritation soaking them up quickly. She wouldn't cry over her anymore.

The night with Quinn had been the first in a month and it was different than before. The desperation Quinn expressed was real, yearning, and apologetic. She felt Quinn's need for her but it wasn't like before. She was hungry, desperate for Rachel to be near her, to have that feel of their skin pressed so closely together she could feel herself sinking into the other. It didn't take long for Rachel to realize how vulnerable Quinn was when they were intimate.

All her resolution dripped away in those moments and Rachel got a flicker of what Quinn was trying to hide, only problem was, Rachel couldn't figure out the reason for the fear she was hiding from her. It was like she was holding her back with one hand but waving her forward with the other.

All washed up and dressed for school, Rachel packed her bags and checked herself in the mirror. There was a knock on her threshold and she turned to see her dad standing there dressed for work.

"So you made it home last night," Said Darren.

"This morning, actually," His mouth turned down. They might let her curfew go but staying over at a boy's house was still off limits. "I stayed at Quinn's."

His expression softened. "I haven't seen her in a while. How is she?"

"She's," Rachel pursed her lips, slinging her bag over her shoulders. "She's neither good nor bad."

"Is she feeling any better?"

"I'd like to say that, but I'm not sure. We haven't talked much lately, so I couldn't give you an accurate answer."

He nodded, straightening out his tie. "Ready to go?" She nodded and followed him out to the car.

Arriving at the school, she kissed her dad goodbye and hurried to the choir room. Slipping inside, she flicked on the lights, going straight for the piano. Digging in her backpack, she pulled out her composer journal and turned to the page she had coped the notes onto. There was only a treble line for the song but she hadn't been able to figure out a decent bass due to her out of tune piano at home that she refused to play on.

Curving her fingers over the keys, she started to play, her eyes closed as her mind filled with Quinn's voice. The tune was a cross between something pleasing, something that made your heart patter with the amount of warmth in it but at the same time it made you frown and your heart quiver in sadness. It was a perfect lovers lament. It was Quinn's lament. Rachel knew it wasn't a real song that she had been humming all along, she would've recognized it right off the bat. Quinn had made it up which made it all the more splendid.

Bringing up her left hand, Rachel fished for a chord to fit the progression of her right hand. The first one was too happy, the second one she played on mostly black keys was too dark. She tried a mixture of the whites and blacks getting the sound she wanted. Quickly, she picked up her pen and jotted the notes onto the staff in her journal.

Starting from the beginning, she tried it all together, her foot pressed on the una corda pedal to soften the volume and change the tone. The more she played out, her right hand continuing the melody and her left trying to find the right chords to match, all of her memories with Quinn came to mind.

She remembered their first time. Surprisingly, their first time had been close to how the previous night was, minus the conflicted emotions and guilt afterwards. Rachel could hardly remember how it started, it had moved so quickly but it didn't.

They were lying on her bed, their hands interlocked between them. They hadn't done much talking that night. Quinn had come over talking about how empty and rejected and scarred she was with her father kicking her out and refusing to claim that such a slut was his daughter. How her mother didn't seem to care, no one seemed to care, and she was alone.

"I care," Rachel told her. Quinn looked at her with sad eyes. "I care about you, Quinn,"

"Do you really?"

She rolled over to lie on her side. Lifting their hands, she kissed Quinn's knuckles and nodded. "Yes. I always have,"

Quinn gave her a small smile and cupped her face to bring her closer. They had kissed many times before, sometimes soft and quick, other times fiery and long. The kiss was different that time, begging for the truth in Rachel's words to flow from it. She tugged on the front of Rachel's shirt with her free hand willing her closer until she was practically on top of her.

It was all haze and blur from there. Where touch met cloth, it now met flesh. Quinn's skin was soft and silky beneath her fingertips, and pleasantly warm to the touch. She thought they were going to end up lying unclothed, intertwined on her bed, but an animalistic hunger rose up in Rachel and the need to show Quinn that she wouldn't go away overwhelmed her. The need in Quinn's eyes just pulled her farther along.

It was all slow and hesitant and new. Quinn clung to her tightly after it all and Rachel buried her face in her chest soaking her in. She felt so perfect, so alive in that moment. She felt complete.

Where was that feeling now?

Rachel landed on a dark chord, the notes ringing out on a miserable clash of harmony. Her eyes fluttered open, her chest heaving. When had she gotten so caught up in playing? She had even forgotten to write down the notes as she went along. But did she really need to? Quinn's song was sung from the heart. Sometimes it changed rhythm and pitch and tone. Sometimes it was happier than others. Rachel didn't need to pencil it out. All she needed to do was play from the heart. She needed to play her heart to match that of Quinn's.

"Sounds amazing, Rach,"

Rachel near jumped out of her skin at Finn's voice. She rubbed her knees that had hit the underside of the piano and quickly fumbled to shut her journal.

"Hello Finn," She said breathlessly.

"Hey," He grinned walking over to the piano. "Is that what you've been writing?" She nodded. "It's really pretty. Are you writing it for someone?"

"No, well, myself I guess." She closed her eyes for a moment to regain herself. "What're you doing here already? It's early."

"Actually, the bell just rang."

"What?" She bumped her knees again in her haste and quickly picked up her things. "I'm going to be late. Sorry, Finn," She stopped to give him a hug. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, see you at lunch. But, hey," He bent down placing a kiss on her cheek. "I'm serious when I say you're song sounds nice. I'm kinda curious about what'll sound like when you're done."

She pushed a smile to her lips. "Maybe I'll let you hear it." She squeezed his hand that had caught hers. Grinning, she let it go and rushed out of the choir room.

There was no reason to play the song again. Quinn had completely let her go.

-/-/-/-

Quinn sighed as she drove to school. She had thought about what Rachel said all week. It tormented her every night and was brought more and more to mind the more she saw Rachel and Finn together. It then hit her that she had lost the best thing that had ever happened to her. No, she didn't lose it, she had offered it on a shiny, silver platter for anyone to take all because of her inability to fess up to her feelings and get over her fears.

Repressing how she felt had taken a toll on her. It was like trying to hold a basketball beneath the water in a pool. She kept pushing and pushing and it kept pushing back harder and harder until it came bursting up knocking a hallow hole in her chest. It was void, she felt lost and empty and in the dark. The sunshine that was Rachel was no longer there and nothing felt right, and knowing she was the reason for her absence, she ended up nearly hyperventilating twice in her room.

When she saw Rachel in the halls, for that moment before Finn took residence by her side and shattered everything, it was like the world had light once again and her life started to have meaning. Meaning. She rolled the word over in her mind as she pulled up into the parking lot. She used to know, or she thought she knew, her meaning and what life had for her.

She was her daddy's girl, his darling princess, and the light of his life. She was the perfect head cheerleader who would go to college and study nursing because she was caring and serving at heart, or study law because she was all about justice. She'd find her sweetheart her freshmen year in college and be with him the four years they were there, and marry him two weeks after graduation. She scoffed realizing how far fetched it all sounded now.

With one mistake, one stupid, stupid mistake, she had brought the dream all crashing down, and though it wasn't her dream, it had sounded perfect because her flawless daddy had made it sound so beautiful. But with Rachel…something about Rachel made her feel like that picture could be possible, or something just as grand and amazing as it. She just couldn't understand how it was that Rachel seemed to do that.

It was absurd how their relationship had turned the direction it did. But Quinn warped it to how it was now. And why? Because, as Rachel called her out on, she was afraid, she was full of fear. Fear that Rachel was too good to be true, fear that such a perfect friendship she had been offered could never last, and fear that her affections for Rachel had only come about because of a lack there of in her life.

Yet, not only in her life, but also because the affection she had gotten from Finn and Puck had been only surface and Rachel's was more. Where Finn was always aggravated that she wouldn't give him more and Puck had drugged her and convinced her with his pretty words, Rachel was pure, honest, heartfelt caring and adoration. It was something Quinn wasn't use to. Not like that. Thus, she would never admit how incredibly mixed up and taken she was with her.

Their first night had been so…awakening for Quinn. She was thirsty for the bit of affection and Rachel had given it to her in every kiss and every touch. It was all so new and frightening and perfect all at the same time. Then, sex wasn't just sex. It was more, it was an exchange of hidden feelings and desires and promises and love.

But soon, Quinn had taken all of that out of the equation. She started to become scared. She didn't want it to mean so much to her anymore, so she forced it from her mind because if she kept telling herself it was more than just an act between them and Rachel left her, she would plummet. But, then Quinn realized, she was plummeting now. Plummeting farther and faster than she did when her world was crashing down on her, because the light she had found in her dark world, she had snuffed out.

Hearing footsteps, Quinn lifted her head off her knees to see Sam walking into the choir room smiling. He gave her a look over and frowned. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hey,"

"You're looking a little blue and not in a cool, Na'vi kind of way." She grinned at his dorky movie reference. "Everything okay?"

"Not quite, but there's not very much I can do about it now." Her voice was small and fragile as she spoke. Crying had worn it down.

"I've got a stack of old movies, some popcorn and I think I can find some chocolate." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Always makes me feel better."

"Sam," she sighed. "Sam you're sweet and adorable,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she laughed dryly. "But we're not going to work. I'm sorry I sort of seduce you into joining glee. It was wrong of me."

"No, it's cool, I get it and like I said I like it here and we can drop the date and make it a night with friends." He tweaked his eyebrows hopeful.

Quinn laughed more amazed at how easily Sam took her rejection then anything else. "Tempting, but you have to try pickles and ice cream at least once."

"I'll think about it," He made a disgusted face.

She kissed his cheek. "You really are a good guy, Sam."

Having Sam beside her through glee rehearsal helped her get through without a meltdown. When he caught her frown, he'd nudge her shoulder with his and flash his charming smile at her. When Mr. Schue droned on, he mocked him quietly in her ear to make her laugh.

He caught on that Finn and Rachel weren't her favorite people at the moment and made sure to be between her and them and dance with her as they practiced. In the end, she agreed on a movie night with him and his family as strictly friends. It would be good to have a guy friend who cared about how she felt. Lord knew the last thing she needed was some horndog like Puck.

Through rehearsal time, Quinn kept glancing over at Rachel who was blatantly ignoring her. It stung, but Quinn figured she deserved it. No, she didn't figure, she knew she deserved it. They hadn't spoken a single word to each other sine her date with Sam and Quinn didn't blame her but she still felt horrible. If anything, she needed to apologize and let things go on from there.

Once Rehearsal ended, she watched Rachel get her things and head out the door. She told Santana that she had a test to make up before practice then hurried off. She caught sight of Rachel at the end of the hall and trotted up to her.

"Rachel," She called out to her.

Her back went rigid. "Quinn," She said slowly, her voice surprisingly even. Usually when Quinn approached her in the halls, it took a minute for her to find her voice.

Rachel turned around to look at her. Quinn swallowed. "Rachel, I'm-"

"If you're going to apologize for what happened the other week, I don't want to hear it." She cut hr off quickly. "You've made yourself clear. You don't want to be my friend and you don't want to be anything more." She held her things pressed firmly against her chest like she was trying to hold her insides in.

"Rachel, you know I-"

"No, Quinn. I've tried and tried and you're still pushing me away. If that's what you want, then I'll respect your decision and leave you alone. I won't stalk your house at night and I'll delete your number from my phone and I'll stay out of your way."

"But, I need you Rachel," The words were out of her mouth before she realized it. She was supposed to be apologizing and walking on not trying to win her back. But that was what she truly wanted. She wanted Rachel back. She needed Rachel back.

Rachel's eyes flashed. "You need me how? You need me in your bed? You need me to get rid of all your suffering just to throw me out the next day? You need me to make you feel good for a moment then leave me alone in the morning and I have to tell myself that it's okay because you really do care about me but I can't keep telling myself that time after time of you rejecting me."

"Please,"

"Don't say anything right now because I won't believe it. You say you need me but I need you, Quinn." Her voice cracked for a second and Quinn noticed the silent tears coming down her face.

"I have never felt like this for anyone before and you've made it into a game, a temporary fix, because of your insecurities and your fears that, and I've tried, I can't understand. I need you because you make me feel wanted and alive and like I am needed because I could put a smile on your face. But why should I accept your apology now when you're going to do the same thing again?"

"Rachel, look, please," She fought against the lump in her throat.

"No, I'm sorry, Quinn, but I won't let you do this to me again."

"Rachel, please, wait," Quinn called after her. "Rachel!"

Shuddering, she fell against a set of lockers, hands hiding her face. She was sinking to the floor when a set of strong arms grabbed her and held her up. "Not here, Q," She heard Santana say close to her ear. "Come on,"

_Til Next Chapter_


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

All that pent up emotion was out of her mouth before Rachel even knew what she was doing. Something in the way Quinn had called out her name had made her snap. It was laced with that need and dripping with false apologies that Rachel had heard too much of. She let everything go not caring if her words hurt. She wanted Quinn to know how she had hurt her. She wanted Quinn to know that she wasn't the only one hurting. She wanted Quinn to know she had a decision to make right then whether to drop the act or accept her.

Seeing Quinn break down at her words was just as painful as saying those words. It took her the greatest amount of strength to not turn back around and take her up in her arms, wipe her tears away, and listen to Quinn charm her with sweet words and break her heart with her streaming tears. Not this time. She needed to get her point across, needed to make Quinn realize. Except now she wasn't sure if it had been affective.

Rachel checked her phone for the nth time. Surely Quinn would call her or text her. She threw it onto her bed then ran out of her room to look out the upstairs window for a sign of her car. Nothing. So that was it. She had ended it finally. Just how Quinn wanted in the first place.

It should've given Rachel a good feeling knowing she wouldn't be taken on this rollercoaster any longer, but the emptiness she felt was at its greatest yet. She started thinking about everything that she had said to Quinn. Had she delivered it right? Maybe she should've listened to what Quinn had to say before she blew up. Maybe Quinn was trying to apologize and say the truth and accept her.

The latter made Rachel scoff. She peeled herself from the window to return to her room when the doorbell rang. Trotting down the steps, she opened it to see Finn standing on her porch.

"Finn?" She looked down to see a stack of sheet music in his hands. "What's this? What're you doing here?"

He titled his head in confusion. "You said we were going to work on the song we're suppose to sing in glee tomorrow tonight."

"Oh!" She stepped back to let him in. "I must've forgotten."

"Yeah," He walked in cautiously keeping a curious eye on her. "You ran out after practice so I didn't get to ask you, but I figured we were still on since, ya'know, it's tomorrow and everything."

Rachel smiled to ease his worry. "You figured right." Before closing the door, she did an eye sweep of the street. Only Finn's truck was in front of her house. "You brought sheet music?"

"One of the band kids helped me mix our songs together."

Taking the music from him, Rachel studied the mash-up of The Beatles' _Hold Me Tight _and _All My Loving. _There were a few things she would've done differently and a couple things she would change, but the mix was decent enough.

Taking a step, she led Finn into the music room. It was Rachel's favorite room in the house. Her dad, Darren, had been a jazz musician in his youth so his old bass and his guitar and keyboard were set up in corners. Pictures of his old band mates were mounted on the wall along with awards he and Rachel had won for their musical talents.

Rachel remembered dabbing on his bass once, but she got frustrated with it and went to the upright piano instead. She fell in love it just as much as she fell in love with singing. Now she had talent enough for both of them.

Setting the music on the stand, she let Finn sit down before excusing herself to tell her dads that Finn was over.

"Is he staying for dinner?" Asked Berry looking over his glasses.

Darren nodded from where he sat at his desk across from his husband's. "I think he should stay." Both men nodded at one another. Rachel held back her groan. "Ask him if he'd like to say, sweetheart."

"I'll ask him," She forced a smile to her lips and left her dads in their study. She wouldn't ask him if he wanted to stay.

Finn was squinting at the music and trying to play it when Rachel returned. She grinned at him and shooed him aside to sit next to him. Spreading the music out, she started to play the beginning to get a feel of it. Finn watched her in awe as she played and she fought against an eyeroll.

Half way through, Rachel stopped. "Are you-" She looked at Finn's awestruck stare. "Yes, Finn?"

"I didn't know you were so good at playing the piano, Rachel."

"Didn't you hear me playing in the choir room that day?"

"Yeah," His eyes lit up. "Can you play that again? I really liked it."

She shook her head trying to keep the tune from coming to mind. "This is more important than that right now. We've got to perform this for glee tomorrow. I can play that any other time."

He frowned slightly. "Alright,"

"Okay. You start okay?"

"Okay," He drew in his brow to concentrate.

Rachel readied her hands and counted them off and began to play. She cringed at how out of tune the piano was. No one else probably noticed it, but she could hear the way the notes clashed against her perfect pitch.

Their voices filled up the music room and ghosted out throughout the house. Rachel came in to join him, swaying slightly with the tempo. Reaching up, she flipped to the next page, her eyes catching another piece of music peeking out from what Finn brought.

The first couple of measure showed but it was enough for Rachel to figure out the song it was. Her chest constricted as she remembered when and who she had sang that song with.

-/-

It was the middle of summer. Quinn was lying in the middle of her bed, eyes on the ceiling. Rachel watched her inconspicuously from where she sat at her desk. She'd tried to cheer Quinn up countless times. She thought dancing would put her in a better mood, but the hype of it had worn off on them.

She tapped her pen on the desk, eyes looking around her room. She saw her radio and the stacks of CD's. Music.

Jumping from her desk, she saw Quinn flinch at the sudden movement. Without saying a thing, she grabbed hold of Quinn's wrist and pulled her off the bed.

"Rachel," Quinn groaned as she was dragged down the stairs.

"Quinn," Rachel smiled over her shoulder.

Quinn rolled her eyes at being mocked. "I don't feel like singing."

"Even if you're singing with me?" Rachel stopped them at the threshold to the music room. She looked over at the piano she'd been neglecting because it wasn't in tune. She figured she'd ignore that fact if it would help cheer Quinn up.

Quinn chewed on her bottom lip, her eyebrow raised as she eyed the upright. "Come on," Rachel grabbed her hand and led her to the bench.

She left her for moment to rummage through a file basket until she found the music she wanted then took her place beside Quinn. She threw the music up on the stand.

Quinn made a face. "_Happy Days Are Here Again_?" She read with disinterest.

"And _Get Happy_," Rachel read the other song that was scrawled on the title line. "It's perfect." She played the first chord.

Quinn read over the lines of the song. "Why do you even have this written out?"

"Does it really matter? I spend a lot of my time transposing music to my key, rewriting songs I like and thinking of mash ups we can sing in glee club all the time. This happened to be one that I wrote out."

"So you didn't write this because of me?" Quinn's eyebrow rose over her eye.

Rachel stared up at it knowing if they were in the private of her room, she'd lean up and kiss it from its arch. "Enough questions," She looked around before kissing Quinn's cheek. "Now, lets sing. I'll take the first line."

"Of course you will," Quinn laughed softly as the music started.

"Forget your troubles…" Rachel sang.

"Happy days," Quinn rolled her eyes. "Are here again…"

Rachel beamed at hearing Quinn's voice fill her ears. It was perfect and sugar sweet and light. Tapping her left foot to keep tempo, she looked over to see Quinn staring back at her, a smile on her face that hadn't been there since before she became pregnant.

The further they got into the song, the wider her grin grew and the warmth in Rachel's chest started to rise to a scorching temperature. Quinn laid her head on her shoulder and Rachel closed her eyes drinking in her scent and soaking in the coolness of her syrupy voice.

Their lyrics soon faded out but Rachel continued to play to not ruin the atmosphere around them. A hand rested on her knee and gave it a squeeze. Rachel shivered.

"Thank you, Rach," Whispered Quinn not looking at her.

Rachel's stomach flipped. "You're welcome Quinn."

-/-

"Rach?" Finn's voice cut into her mind and she stopped playing to look at him. "Why are you crying?"

She brought her hands to her face, fingers touching big, salty tears. She wiped them off but more came. "No reason," She said lamely. "I got caught up in the music, is all." Using her sleeve, she dried her face and demanded her eyes to stop. "Lets just keep practicing okay?"

"Are you sure?" He asked.

Her shoulders shook as she nodded. "Yes. We need to have this…" Her voice trailed off as her crying grew stronger. Burying her face in her hands, she allowed the tears to just flow.

"Rachel," Finn's arms curled around her and Rachel didn't have the strength to pull away from him. "It's okay," He said softly to sooth her but it made it worse.

She shuddered against his wide chest. It wasn't okay. She wasn't okay. Things weren't okay. It wasn't supposed to turn out the way it did. The summer, her beautiful summer, wasn't supposed to end the way it had. She and Quinn weren't supposed to end. What happened?

All those nights locked in her room, all those songs she had played for Quinn, them singing together, nights with sheets wrapped around their ankles. None of that was supposed to end. What had she done wrong to make Quinn reject her?

"Rachel, honey," It was her dad speaking. She felt her body be lifted from Finn's arms and into the thick arms of Darren.

"What did I do wrong?" She heard herself say.

"You can go home, Finn." Darren said to Finn.

"Okay," He said. "Uh, see you tomorrow, Rach."

Through watery eyes, she saw him frown to her before Berry led him away. Once the door shut, she fell apart in her dad's arms. He rocked her slowly where they sat on the bench. Her fingers dug into the front of his sweater that soaked up her heavy tears.

All the pain she had been holding it started to seep out. She was angry, she was hurt, she was confused. Yet, in all of it, the one person she wanted to be there holding her was the one that caused all the problems weighing her down. She just wanted Quinn back.

"Come on," Darren helped her up.

She let him guide her to her room and lay her in bed where she curled into a ball. He pushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. She saw the concern in his eyes but she knew he'd wait until she was finished letting everything out before he asked her what was wrong.

Flicking on her lamp, he walked out and shut the door leaving her alone.

She was alone once again.

-/-/-/-

Quinn sat on top of the counter in Santana's kitchen. She watched her friend pull out materials to make sandwiches just like Brittany had begged her to. Instead of going off by herself to fix them, Santana dragged her along with her, shooting a look to Brittany that had kept her from following.

She knew what was coming since they hadn't talked earlier. She had stayed in the locker room while Santana and Brittany ran off to practice. She would've gone out there and sucked it up, but Santana insisted on her skipping at least once because she was afraid she would kill herself. Naturally, Santana took the heat for Quinn's absence and was given a worse work out then Quinn had for being late.

She tried to thank her, but Santana silenced her with a hand and picked up their bags. Quinn figured Santana filled Brittany in one what she had witnessed, because once practice let out, Brittany kept an eye on Quinn and latched onto her arm leading them out of the school.

She left her side for a moment to drive her car to Santana's, but once they showed up at the house, Brittany was by her again.

Inside, she prepared herself for the onslaught of Santana's sharp words and questions but she just asked her to stay the night and they ended up watching movies like before until Brittany got hungry. Time was up. It was time to talk.

"Why didn't you just come right out and tell me, Q?" Asked Santana pulling out six slices of bread. She laid them side by side on the counter next to Quinn.

Quinn shrugged. "I don't know," She said honestly. "I didn't think it would get to how it did."

"You thought your little fling with Rachel would only stay skin deep?"

"I didn't think I'd start liking her."

"That starts to happen when you start screwing each other every night." Quinn's eyes shot wide open. Santana laughed humorously. "Did you think you could go to Berry's and me not see your car over there? She lives behind me or did you forget that?"

Quinn worried her lip between her teeth. She thought about that every night she went to Rachel's. Since Santana didn't care about her, she'd expect her not to look over at the Berry's. "No, I didn't forget that. I thought I was being careful."

"Brittany has your plate numbers memorized." She informed her. Santana closed the first finished sandwich and grabbed the next two slices of bread to start.

"If you knew all along," Quinn started. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't my problem to bring up." Her lips smacked as she sucked mayonnaise off her finger. "I thought we were better friends than that. Guess I was wrong."

"You're not wrong. I'm sorry."

"You should be." She rolled her eyes. She knew Santana was feeling hurt for not being let into Quinn's life the way she was before. She just wished Santana didn't have to be rude about it and just come out and say she was upset.

"I know, S. I was scared."

"Of telling me what was going on with you and man hands or telling me because then you'd realize how deep you were in it with her and you couldn't keep lying to yourself?"

"How do you even-"

"You haven't changed a bit since sixth grade." Santana looked up at her with knowing eyes. "You're still as insecure and complicated as you were then." It was true. "Only thing now is you can't hide it like you did."

"Thanks for that, really," Quinn deadpanned.

Santana shrugged. Picking up a knife, she sliced the second sandwich into four triangles. Quinn knew it was Brittany's. "Berry's really in love with you," She said after a long bout of silence. Quinn opened her eyes to look at her but Santana had her focus on someplace else. "What were you scared of?"

"I don't want to be left again." She replied in a tiny voice. "I don't want to fall in love and then have everything ripped from me again."

Santana cocked an eyebrow. "So you thought making sex only sex with her, and forcing her to be with Finn, and denying how you felt about her would keep that from happening?"

"I did,"

"Now you have nothing,"

"Santana, please,"

"No, Quinn, you listen," Santana snapped. Quinn's eyes gravitated to the butter knife she was clutching. She saw where she was looking and placed the utensil down. "I heard what Berry said and I might not like her very much, hell, I don't really like her at all, but you fucked her over because of your own issues and selfishness when all she wanted was to be at least your friend and you wouldn't even let her do that."

"I know," She cringed. Santana finding out had definitely brought everything to light. The weight of it all was now pressing on Quinn.

"She had every right to walk out on you and you know that."

"What's your point, Lopez?" Her arm burned to smack the girl in front of her. Instead, she slid off the counter and went to the dining table to put distance between them. "If you're just going to make me feel worse, then I'll just go."

"Do you love her?"

Immediately, "No," Again Quinn waited for Santana to call her bluff but she only waited for the right answer to leave her lips. "I mean…yes. I think I do. I'm in love with her, Santana. Is that what you want to hear because that won't change anything. You heard Rachel. She's done."

"No she's not," Chimed Brittany as se came gliding into the kitchen. "She's just hurt, really, really hurt but she still loves you and Rachel will forgive you." She saw her triangle sandwich and beamed, pressing a soft kiss on Santana's cheek.

Quinn looked away from them. "I don't know,"

"She forgave you for treating her badly all these years." Brittany skipped over and sank down into Quinn's lap. "She didn't want to leave you alone, Q. She only did because you made her and now she's trying to protect herself in case you try to do it again."

"So you need to fix your shit." Said Santana summing up Brittany's sentiments. "Tell her you really do love her, that you're done being a little selfish bitch, then go make love, and really make love, to her all night long."

"Oh, God," Quinn shook her head.

"You can do it, Quinn," Brittany wrapped her arms around her neck. "San and I could help if you want."

Quinn thought it over for a moment before shaking her head. The last thing she needed were Santana and Brittany trying to patch things up. Santana would probably wound Rachel more and Brittany would only confuse her.

"One question," Santana pulled her attention back to her, Her face was contorted into a mix of amusement and disgust. "Why Rachel?"

Quinn bit her lip. She had never spoke about Rachel to anyone and every time she talked to herself about it, it was accompanied by conflicted feelings and desires and sadness.

Her eyes found Brittany's again. They were watching her excitedly almost like she already knew the punch line. "I don't know. It just happened and it all happened so fast but I feel like I need her. She just showed up at my house one day and it went from there. I didn't think I'd start liking her and when I did…"

"You tried not to," Santana finished for her. She put her sandwich on the same plate as Brittany's and joined them at the table.

Brittany lifted out of Quinn's lap to sit next to Santana to eat her sandwich. Quinn took hers and bit into it.

"When I'm with her," she continued, "everything goes away. This mess with my mom and dad, the fact I gave away my baby, that I ruined my reputation. I was a wreck after all of that but Rachel came in and filled it back up."

"And the sex?" Asked Brittany

Red flowed into Quinn's cheeks. "Amazing," She admitted embarrassed. Both girls looked at each other with smug grins and raised eyebrows.

Santana ripped off the crust on her bread and flicked a piece at Quinn's face. "I really don't get why you'd get rid of that."

"The same reason why you could never say you love me, San," Said Brittany smartly. "You give yourself away when you say that or accept it from someone. What if they leave? Then your love is wasted and you're left with all those feelings that can't stay because it hurts too much."

"You're so damn complicated, Fabray," Said Santana.

Brittany kissed her on the cheek. "Almost as complicated as you, S,"

"You never have a problem with me."

"Because I know you."

Popping the last of her sandwich into her mouth, Quinn got up leaving the two at the table. She walked to Santana's back door, looking out the glass at the house on the other side of the gate.

She sighed. "What if she doesn't forgive me?" She asked aloud.

"Then you hang yourself."

Quinn heard skin hit skin and smiled making a mental note to thank Brittany for smacking Santana. "Sing her a song." Suggested Brittany.

"That's cheesy, B," She heard Santana say. "But, then again, it's Rachel Berry." Her voice got louder. Quinn saw both girls come around the corner licking their lips. "She'll eat that stupid, serenading shit right up."

"Maybe," Quinn breathed out.

Her eyes caught the light in Rachel's room upstairs. She was home, as Quinn knew she would be. It had been so long since she'd stepped foot into the Berry's. A lot of good memories were in that house. The best days she had had since the beginning of sophomore year had happened in the Berry's house and with Rachel. Her life had started taking off in a better direction when she started hanging with Rachel and each of her kisses had a promise of better days. Why had she let her problems ruin that?

She would fix it.

_Til Next Chapter_


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

"Why the hell haven't you picked a song yet?"

"What's the point?" Quinn rolled over on her bed to see Santana going though her CD collection. "Did you see her and Finn sing that song together? They're probably together."

"So?" A CD went flying though the air. "Who got in her pants first?"

"Santana,"

"Okay, look," Santana sat up from where she was crouched on the floor. "You're running out of time. It's been three days and all you've been doing is sulking around like a little bitch while Jolly Green Giant walks around parading her like she's his."

"Maybe she is,"

"You're pathetic," Santana pushed herself up off the floor. "I'm done," Her hands went up into the air and she marched for the door.

Quinn sat up where she laid. "Santana, wait,"

"Do you want to make it right or not, Q?" She whipped her head around, irritation in her voice. Quinn cringed. "It's up to you. You've been pushing her away, and she gave you the okay to walk away if you want. So what do you want?"

"I want Rachel back," She answered. "If I have her as a friend, that's enough for me."

"Are you sure?"

Was she sure? She chewed on her lip debating it. She had been sure the day Rachel yelled at her, but that could've been because Quinn had been rattled so badly. She had time to think about everything, to reevaluate the situation. Did she want to try again with Rachel? She couldn't turn back again.

"Yes," She said after a moment. Santana stood still, her eyes searching for any apprehension that Quinn might have but she found none.

"Okay," She knelt back down to the tub of CD's she had been sifting through. "So, get off your ass and help me find something corny and nauseatingly sweet and dramatic for you to serenade your lady with."

Groaning, Quinn helped Santana search. Nothing sounded good enough to sing, and nothing was subtle enough to sing in front of everyone and not give her away or mislead the others into thinking she was singing about Finn or Sam or Puck.

They had been studying the Beatles for some time, so Quinn whipped out her ipod and scrolled through the songs. Putting it in her ihome, she and Santana laid back on her bed and let the songs play through. As she listened, she started to wonder if it would really work, if Rachel would be able to forgive her.

It had only been three days, but Rachel's words were still fresh on her mind. They sank in deeper each time she let them go through her mind, and the reality of how twisted and messed up everything was became more apparent to Quinn.

She missed Rachel's soft, caresses of reassurances. She missed her sweet voice telling her during nights she couldn't stop crying, that everything would be okay. She missed the warmth of her body against hers that made her feel safe and comforted. She missed Rachel. Nothing else mattered. Not the kisses, not the sex, not the cuddling. Rachel was what she missed the most.

The hour hit midnight and Santana was asleep on Quinn's bed. She got up going to her desk and picked up her ipod. Plugging in her earphones, she switched to a song that had played before, and set it on repeat. It was short and sweet and the words spoke Quinn's fears more than the rest.

She turned on her laptop and searched for the sheet music and printed it out, mouthing the words as the song played in her ears. She wasn't sure how well it would convey the entire message, but it was good enough and Quinn liked it.

Her eyes caught the red numbers on her clock switch to two o'clock. Shutting everything off, she shook Santana awake to tell her to get under the covers and followed her in.

The words of the song repeated in her head and she hummed it into the night. There wasn't time to practice it and make it perfect. She needed to tell Rachel as soon as she could. She needed her to know that she was sorry. She needed her to know the reason behind her fear. She needed Rachel to smile at her again and set her world back into motion.

Quinn was sick with nervousness when she walked out of morning practice. Her eyes darted all around the halls searching for Rachel. Before, she wouldn't need to look for her because Rachel was hardly ever in the halls. That had changed when she started dating Finn, and now Quinn could expect to see her two or three times during the day. Each time sent her stomach into her throat and made her heart crack when she saw the way Finn's hand stroked across her cheek.

"That looks bad," Said Brittany as they walked down the hall that lead to their English class.

Quinn looked back at her to see where she was looking. Across the hall, she found Rachel and Finn by his locker. Rachel's brow was wrinkled and her mouth was moving quick as she vomited words. Finn looked upset and hurt. Occasionally, he'd look up around them to see if anyone was listening.

"S?" Quinn said back to Santana.

She tilted her head towards the two. "Go to class. I'll tell you what I hear."

Nodding, Quinn led Brittany into their class. Her eyes bounced between the clock and the door as she waited for Santana to appear. Time was ticking. Only a minute before the bell. It would be strange for Rachel to spend that much time talking to someone. It must've been an important conversation if she was risking being tardy to class to have it.

"San," Brittany exclaimed just as the bell sounded.

She hurried over to the desk beside Quinn, snapping her fingers for the boy she always shooed to go away. He rolled his eyes and left to an empty desk by the window.

"So?" Whispered Quinn when the teacher walked in. "What happened?"

"Finn asked Rachel to be his girlfriend." She hissed. Quinn felt the floor fall from beneath her and her body dropping along with it. "He's a real ass, you know that?" She continued on.

"Did she say yes?"

"Hell no," Santana almost laughed. "That's why they were arguing." So that's why he had looked so wounded. "He was trying to apologize for something but Berry didn't want to hear it and she turned him down. Again."

"Why were they arguing?"

Santana looked back at Brittany who was leaning forward listening to them. "Berry caught Finn staring at Brittany's ass during rehearsal and she called him out on it. I don't think that's why she really dropped him. The argument was weak but she made it work." She shrugged.

Quinn's entire body visibly relaxed at the information. She saw Santana smirk that said 'I told you so'.

Through the rest of her classes, Quinn hummed the song under her breath. When she sat next to Finn in physics, she couldn't help but beam. It was wrong, and it was mean, but it lifted so much off her knowing that Rachel had turned him down. It kept her door open even if Rachel would keep her at the distance as a friend. She'd take it. She'd take anything if it meant having Rachel again.

She walked into the choir room with Sam, taking place between him and Santana. She fumbled with the sheet music in her lap, her pulse picking up faster and faster as Kurt finished singing a breath taking version of _I Wanna Hold Your Hand _and Mercedes followed with a jaw dropping performance of _Let It Be. _

The applause died out and Mr. Schue held up his hands to silence them. "Alright," He clapped his hands together, looking around the room. "We didn't really plan for all of this, but does anyone else want to sing a song you think we should perform at sectionals?"

Santana jabbed her in the side and her hand shot into the air. "Mr. Schue," Quinn all but yelled at him. She heard Brittany snicker behind her.

Will's eyebrows went into his hairline. "Quinn?"

She glanced over at Santana and Brittany next to her. Brittany gave her a thumbs up while Santana just rolled her eyes. "I have a song I'd like to sing."

He nodded approving. "Alright," He gestured for her to come forward. "Come on up, Quinn."

"Thank you," She mouthed lifting from her seat.

Sweat coated her palms once she turned around to face all the people in front of her. She let her eyes settle on each face: Mercedes and Kurt up in the corner and Mike and Tina beside them waiting. Puck had his arms crossed in the very back of the room and Sam's wide mouth was stretched into a smile. She gave him a small smile in return before letting her gaze sweep to Santana and Brittany for their support.

She found Finn looking grim and beat at the very end of the front row. She felt sorry for him for a moment but it was short lived. She drew her eyes from him to look at Rachel.

Quinn froze where she stood, holding her breath, and stared. She studied Rachel's blank face, her heart breaking when she saw the redness ringing her eyelids and the down turn of her lips. She wasn't looking at her, but kept her eyes on a spot behind Quinn.

"Quinn?" Said Mr. Schue.

"Oh," She handed her music back to Brad then went back to where she was standing. She prayed for Rachel to look at her but she didn't. "Um," She licked her lips, looking to her best friends for strength. "This is for," She glanced over at Rachel for a moment. "You know who you are."

Quinn felt her throat go dry. She couldn't believe she was doing it. She couldn't believe she was doing something that she knew wouldn't work. A song with pretty words could not take back everything that she had put Rachel through.

She clasped her damp hands behind her back and swallowed hard. What did she have to lose? She took in a deep breath and began.

_If I fell in love with you,  
Would you promise to be true  
And help me understand._

_Cause I've been in love before  
And I've found that love was more,  
Than just holding hands.  
_

The words dripped off her lips gently and sincerely. It wasn't a song of apology, it was a song of her pains, and her hurts, and how Rachel had made her see that things with Finn and Puck and Sam were nothing. That she didn't just want someone who would call her 'baby' and take her to fancy meals then sway her into making out for hours. She wanted more than that. She wanted what Rachel had been trying to give her but she had pushed away.

_If I give my heart to you,  
I must be sure from the very start  
That you would love me more than her._

_If I trust in you,  
Oh please, don't run and hide.  
If I love you too,  
Oh please, don't hurt my pride like her,  
_

She felt tears start to form in her eyes as she expressed her fears. She admitted to Rachel what she was scared of, which was Rachel walking out on her, rejecting her, bringing her close to the happiness she had been void of for so long only to burn it all up in her care.

_Cause I couldn't stand the pain.  
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain,  
So I hope you see,  
That I would love to love you.  
_

She felt the tears start rolling down her cheeks and her voice wanting to crack, but she continued to sing. Eyes bore into her from chairs but Quinn was only searching for one set. She just wanted Rachel to look at her, to look at her so she could see if she understood what she meant.

_If I fell in love with you._

The music played for a few moments once she was finished then ended. The room was silent for a moment then someone (Quinn figured it was Brittany) started to clap.

Quinn stayed where she was, her hands aching from how hard she had been holding them together behind her back. She heard Mr. Schue say something behind her, but she wouldn't move, she couldn't move until Rachel looked up at her.

"Rachel," Her lips moved with no sound.

Brown eyes flicked away from where they were staring to land on Quinn. Her breath caught in her throat as Rachel slowly brought her eyes up to meet hers, her deep brown eyes glossy with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry," Quinn mouthed to her.

Rachel's mouth opened slightly, her lip trembling. Then she looked away.

"That was beautiful, Quinn." Said Mr. Schue placing his hands on her shoulders. "Nice song choice. A possibility for out ballad at sectionals." Mercedes made a comment in the back of the room. "Thank you, Mike and Tina you're up."

She walked on shaky legs back to her seat between Santana and Sam. She held her hands tight in her lap to hide the fact that they were trembling.

That was all. That was all she could offer Rachel and hope she understood. She hoped she would take her apology sincere and not think they were empty words to try and woo her back into her bed. She could only wait.

Sam bumped her shoulder with his. "That was good," He complimented.

"Thanks, Sam," She wiped her face off with the heel of her hand. "Did you ever find that chocolate?" She asked him.

His green eyes lit up. "Just got some yesterday. You wanna come over?" She nodded. "Awesome. I'll text you my address."

Quinn knew it was Sam's night of fun and Santana's snide comments that got her through the rest of glee without loosing control of herself. She saw Rachel down on the front row, back rigid and head forward. She would give anything to know what was going through her head. She would give even more for her to forgive her and to take her back. She would give everything to have Rachel smile at her the way she used to one more time.

Once rehearsal was over, Quinn split from the choir room and hurried to the field for Cheerio's practice. She hardly heard the trenchant words Sue was still throwing at her for missing practice days before. She had been punished for it ever since but Quinn didn't care. Her mind was stuck on Rachel and the way she looked away from her.

"I think it worked," Said Brittany when they were back in the locker room.

"I doubt it," Sad Quinn grabbing her things to get into the shower.

Santana whipped her with her towel. "It would be pathetic if she just broke down right there and started saying she forgave you. Let the girl think."

Just for her rare optimism, Quinn let the forming bruise on her leg from the towel slap go. She took her shower slow, letting the water rinse everything away.

"Are you coming over?" Asked Santana, retrieving her back from her locker.

Shaking her head, Quinn looked through her phone to see the text from Sam with his address. "Going to Sam's." She saw the disapproving look both girls were giving her. "We're just friends. We talked about it."

"Mmhm," Santana narrowed her eyes. "You're already in enough crap. Don't go digging yourself into a deeper hole, Fabray, because I won't be around to get you out again."

"I never asked for your help this time."

"Like I said," She slung her bag over her shoulder before linking pinkie's with Brittany. "I need you alive. Play safe, Q,"

"Always do, S,"

-/-/-/-

Mr. Schue released rehearsal but Rachel remained in her chair.

"You alright, girl?" Asked Mercedes.

"I'm fine, Mercedes, thank you," She offered a grin to her and Kurt and they left her alone.

"You sure, Rach?" Asked Mr. Schue stacking up music on top of the piano. "You don't look too good."

"It has been a rough day, but it's nothing that I'm not use to."

"Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head. "I'll be fine, Mr. Schuester." She picked up her bag from the floor. "Is it okay if I stay in here for a while to practice piano?"

"Yeah, sure, go ahead." He smiled. "I'll be in an out if you need anything."

"Thank you," She nodded to him as he walked out of the room, closing the door on his way.

Rachel walked over to the piano and snatched away the sheet music Quinn had left. She had heard the song many times in her life, but she needed to see it again. She read the lyrics, her mind filling up with Quinn's voice singing them and what she was meaning to convey.

Sitting down on the bench, Rachel started at the beginning of the song and read through again and again. Quinn didn't trust her. How could she not trust her? She had never done anything to betray Quinn's trust. And why would she think she would hurt her or leave her? But as she started to sing the song herself, things started to fall into place.

It broke Rachel's heart to think that Quinn had thought of her like the others. The first thing she told herself when she showed up on Quinn's doorstep was that she would stand by her no matter what. It was the same promise she made to herself and offered Quinn in the prime of her pregnancy, but had been pushed away. Rachel presented it to her again in the summer, and Quinn took it. In a time of need.

When it started to get deeper, it was only nature for Quinn to pull back. That was all everyone else did. She was scared.

Rachel placed the music back on the stand and picked up the handle of her bag. She left the choir room, phone in hand to send a text to her dad telling him she was ready to be picked up.

Walking through the hall, she saw the football guys leaving their locker room to head out to the field for practice. Amongst them, she saw Finn and she cringed.

She couldn't tell him she was refusing his request because she was in love with his ex. It would've been blow to his pride and his ego. The thing with Brittany had happened, but it wasn't Finn's fault that Brittany happened to bend down to pick up the hair tie that fell from her ponytail while she whipped her hair around.

It didn't make it better that Finn had seen her breakdown and wanted to know what was wrong. She waved him off saying it wasn't any of his business and that she didn't want to date him or be his girlfriend.

"But you were, like, all over me last year and stuff." Was his come back. "Then you wanted me to take you out and I thought you were real into me."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "People change, Finn. This isn't last year, and though I thought you were a perfect gentlemen on our dates and you managed to remember things that I tell you, I have found that I do not harbor any romantic feelings for you any longer. Therefore, I do not want to be your girlfriend."

Her eyes had flashed to Santana she knew was listening from where she was bent over a water fountain for too long to be taking a drink. She didn't care. She'd let her eavesdrop and she'd let her go relay her news to Quinn.

When she saw Quinn walk though the cafeteria with a little more spring in her step, she knew Santana had told her. It was a relief to see.

Her dad pulled up in the parking lot, and Rachel hurried to jump inside. He saw her red eyes and immediately started asking her how her day was.

"I'm no longer seeing Finn," She informed him.

"Oh?" Darren peered over at her. "Why not?"

"Well, for one he's a buffoon," She heard Darren chuckle lightly. "And I was using him as a place holder for someone else."

"And who might that be?"

Her body went stiff. She knew her dads would be fine with anyone she had interest in, male or female, they would be happy. There were times she even expected they knew what she and Quinn were doing but were nice enough to turn a blind eye towards it. With her confession, she knew it was so.

"Quinn Fabray,"

"I was wondering," Started Darren slowly after a long stretch of silence. "But I didn't think about it when you told me and your dad that you were seeing Finn. What happened?"

So she told him. She told him how it all started and what Quinn meant to her. She told him how Quinn treated her like a yo-yo and then sang a song to explain her fears. She left out all the times they had sex and limited them to two or three. She wouldn't overwhelm him with the depth that their relationship had taken just yet. There would be time later to give the entire story.

"I forgive her, don't get me wrong," She kept on when they walked into the house. "And I believe that song she sang today meant something."

"What song was it?" He asked.

"_If I Fell_," He laughed again and poured a glass of tea. "I just don't know where to go from here. I want her to know that I forgive her but I don't want to say that and then jump into what we had before."

"Who said you had to?" Rachel sighed. He motioned for her to sit down at the table with him. "It sounds like you took things too fast with Quinn before. You didn't talk about anything. You both just went off your feelings and didn't stop to think. Now, you have a chance to accept her apology and start a new if you want."

"I do want, but," Rachel's eyes looked across the way at the piano in the other room. "I'm afraid it might happen again."

"Did you think she would've sang a song like that in front of everyone in glee if she wanted to repeat everything again?"

Rachel pondered it for a moment. Would she? Quinn wasn't one who got up in front of everyone to sing unless she was made to do it or felt passionate enough about it. "No," She concluded. "I don't think she would've."

Darren smiled. "Then you have nothing to be afraid of."

"I suppose. But I don't know how to approach it."

"You'll think of something, Rae. Just," He got up, ruffling her hair with a large hand. "Take it slow. Let her knew how everything has made you feel."

Let her know how everything made her feel. Rachel's gaze floated back to the piano.

She would let her hear how she made her feel.

_Til Next Chapter_

_Song: If I Fell, Evan Rachel Wood, Across The Universe Cover_


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

Quinn snuck her hand beneath the table. She pushed the button on her phone to make the screen light up. Though the screen didn't show she had any notifications, she checked her text message inbox anyway. Only a message from Sam inviting her out for family night at the drive-in on the weekend was there, and a ton of missed call notifications from Santana. She let the phone go and brought up her hand to take up her glass from the table.

Her eyes scanned the two people around her. Her mom was silently cutting through a slab of steak while her dad shook pepper over his potatoes. She'd been waiting for one of them to snap at her for having her phone at the dining table.

"This is family time, Quinnie. Your friends can wait." Was what her mom used to say.

Either they didn't notice, or the immense amount of tension that loomed in the air was so thick that they couldn't be bothered with something petty like cell phone usage during dinner.

Over the edge of her glass, Quinn eyed her dad. He had showed up a couple days back for dinner, then after a few days, he started staying over in the guest room. She had held onto some hope that he was only coming by to keep some sort of connection to the family he had betrayed, but after Quinn heard him telling her mother about the importance of forgiveness and repentance and second chances, she knew he'd weaseled himself back in. And Quinn had no power to keep him away.

It bothered her. It bothered her just as much as the fact Rachel hadn't said anything to her in days. Days upon days. Days of going to school and only seeing Rachel during her one passing period that forced them down the same hall and in glee rehearsal. She had reverted to her reclusive state after the break up with Finn, so Quinn never knew when she'd see her. And maybe it was a good thing. It kept her from becoming a mess and charging her in the hall and demanding Rachel to accept her apology.

It was her last chance and, like she thought, it hadn't done anything. Not a single thing. Rachel didn't look at her, Rachel didn't acknowledge her presence, Rachel didn't do anything to show she had understood Quinn's song or even cared that she had sang it.

"Quinnie," Said Judy. Quinn's hand loosened from around her knife and fork. "You need to hurry and eat your dinner before it gets cold."

Her eyes dropped to her plate still covered in a large portion of food. She kept her nose from turning up in disgust as she stared down at it. She wasn't hungry. She hadn't been hungry. Between her father, who still looked at her like she was the nasty guts of a roach on the floor, and Rachel pretending she didn't exist, she had lost her appetite.

She sat the utensils down. "I'm not hungry," She said softly, her eyes still downcast.

She heard her dad make a nasty sound in the back of his throat. "At least we know you're not pregnant again."

"Russell," Judy flashed warning eyes at him.

Quinn held her jaw tight against her retort. "If you'd excuse me," She dabbed her face with her cloth napkin and sat it on her plate. "I have things to do."

Without waiting for the permission she needed to leave, Quinn got up, pushed in her chair, making sure the legs scrapped across the floor, and fled up to her room. She grabbed her backpack and Cheerio's bag and threw her things inside. She couldn't help but feel like she was packing her bags to leave again. She wished she could leave and run to Rachel's and ask her if she could stay there for a few days, but that wasn't an option.

Taking her cheerleading uniform off the hook on the back of her door, she laid it neatly in her bag and zipped it. Throwing the straps on her shoulder, she exited her room and clomped loudly down the stairs.

"Quinn?" Her mom called from the dining area. Her head followed by her body came around the corner. "Quinn, where are you going?"

"To Santana's," She answered with the first name on her mind. She hadn't been planning on going there, but it started to sound like a good plan.

"You're not allowed to go there." Quinn scoffed at her as she got to the bottom of the steps. "Your dad didn't mean what he said. Put your things back in your room and come to the table so we can talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it, mom. There's nothing to talk about, and if there were, you don't care what I have to say."

"And what is it that you have to say?"

"I don't want him here," She pointed towards the dining room. "I don't want dad living with us again."

Judy's lips stretched into a fine line and her back straightened. She heard the sound of her dad getting out of his chair before he took place beside his _wife. _Quinn looked from one of them to the other and the possessive arm that her dad draped over Judy's shoulder. It was final. He was back.

With a mirthless laugh, Quinn hoisted her things higher onto her shoulder and walked for the door.

"Quinn-" Judy stepped towards her.

Her dad held onto her tighter. "Let her go,"

Flinging open the door, Quinn ran down her walkway and jumped in her car. She threw her bags into the backseat and sat back, her fingers running through her hair and her teeth bared in frustration. Leaning her forehead against her steering wheel, she too in a deep breath to calm herself down.

Her hand snaked around to start up the car but she didn't move. She just sat there in front of her house forcing herself not to cry. She had cried too much over stupid things.

Quinn nearly jumped out of her skin when someone wrapped at her window. She pressed a hand over her heart to calm it down, her eyes taking in a smirking Santana. Pushing the window button, she let it roll down.

"What're you doing here?" She panted.

Santana looked down into Quinn's lap where her cell phone was cradled on her thighs. "You weren't returning my calls."

"Sorry,"

Her hand made its way through the window to press the lock button. Striding to the other side of the car, Santana dropped inside, closing the door hard. "Lets go," She tapped on the dashboard.

Quinn choked out a confused laugh. "I'm sorry?"

"Yes, you are sorry, now drive." Picking up Quinn's hand, Santana placed it over the gearshift.

Batting the hand away, Quinn cranked her car into drive and pulled away from the curb. "Where am I driving us to?" She asked as they rolled up to s stop sign.

"Never mind that, and take a left up there." She instructed. Quinn pulled the car out onto the main road. "Papa Fabray is back." Santana pointed for her to go left again.

She sighed, letting her elbow rest on the window and propped her head on her hand as she drove. "So it would seem."

"Sucks," Quinn shrugged. "You can crash at my place for a while if you want."

She nodded, easing the car into a right turn. "I sort of already packed my bags."

"You're running away?" Santana laughed lightly. "Didn't know you had it in you, Q."

"No, I'm not running away. I wasn't planning on that. I just needed to get away."

"Uh huh," Quinn leered over at the girl beside her who was smirking.

Honestly, running away didn't sound like a bad idea after Santana suggested it. But when she thought about how she had jumped from house to house to house when she was with child, none of it sounded flattering anymore.

Quinn smirked as Santana pointed her last direction. She pulled up into the parking lot of an ice cream parlor and shut off the car. Getting out, she stared up at the sign, her mind reeling back to all the times she, Santana and Brittany had gone to get ice cream after football games, bad days, and late nights when none of them could sleep.

She walked up to the counter placing her order after Santana, who paid for both of them, grabbed a spoon and found a booth near the rear of the place.

She shoveled a huge spoon of butter pecan ice cream from the cup into her mouth. "Is this supposed to cheer me up?"

Santana shook her head and stirred the ice cream, whipped cream and walnuts of her sundae all together. "I was craving something sweet and Britt was at motocross practice so I couldn't bring her along."

"Oh," Quinn rolled her eyes.

"So," Santana snatched Quinn's cell phone off the table. She raised an eyebrow at Quinn's outstretched arm for it back but she dropped it and let her take it. "Still nothing from Berry?"

"Nope,"

She let out a low whistle, fingers pressing buttons. "Maybe you really did screw up."

"Thank you, S," She sneered sarcastically. "Just a while ago you were trying to keep me positive about it. And stop reading my messages." She lunged across for her phone but Santana was too quick for her.

She shrugged with a smirk at something she was reading. "I'm still positive. You didn't let me finish."

"Oh, please do finish," She sucked ice cream off her spoon. It went down her throat cold and burning.

"Maybe you really did screw up _and," _Her eyes flickered up to Quinn for a moment just to ruffle her patience._ "_Berry's making you suffer before she comes to your doorstep and takes you right there."

"That's ridiculous,"

"It's plausible,"

"Up until the ending, maybe, but I don't care." Santana cocked an eyebrow at her. "Okay, I do care. But if nothing happens in the next couple days then I'm done. I won't try and fight for her anymore."

Santana brought the sundae up to her mouth to drink the melted ice cream out like soup. "She never gave up you and you put her through hell." She said wiping off her lip.

"I told her a long time ago to leave if she wanted."

"But," The word popped with a smack of her lips. "She didn't,"

"Then what?" Quinn huffed out a breath as she sat back hard against the booth chair. "What do you want me to do?"

She shrugged, holding the phone in her hand so she could read over another message. "Go to her house tonight at seven o'clock sharp."

"What?" Quinn rolled her eyes.

Santana dropped Quinn's phone on the table and slid it over to her. She picked it up and read the message from Rachel on her screen. Her jaw dropped and her hands shook as she gripped onto her phone tighter, eyes going over the message over and over again.

Her eyes rose back up to Santana. "Guess you won't be staying at my place."

"No, I'm still staying at your house." Quinn bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. "We don't know what she's going to say."

"Right, right whatever."

They let the conversation drop. Quinn finished her ice cream and sat back still holding her phone and reading over the message.

_Come to my house at seven o'clock sharp._

That was all. Nothing else but a summon of her presence. It churned Quinn stomach violently. She tried reading between the lines, tried to decipher the hidden meaning of the cryptic request, tried to weigh Rachel's mood in her words but she couldn't and it made her nervous.

She fidgeted in the backseat of her own car while Santana drove with Brittany in the passenger seat after they picked her up from motocross practice. Brittany turned around to her, touching her knee, and assuring her only good things could come out of speaking to Rachel. It didn't help. None of Brittany's kind words, or Santana's dirty ideas on what Rachel was going to do to her helped.

She stood on Santana's back porch with her eyes glued to Rachel's dark window. Her legs were shaking like they would when she'd had to cheer solo for her captain audition. All of her limbs felt heavy like lead but also flimsy and wiggly like jell-o.

A hand pressed to the middle of her back and she jumped. Santana came up on her left side while Brittany took place on her right, her arm wrapped around Quinn's. She put her head on her shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Q," Said Brittany kissing her hair. "She loves you and you love her."

"Because love solves everything." Santana snorted on her other side. Quinn felt her fingers massage the knots out of her back. She smiled.

"Oh, San," Brittany laughed.

Quinn brought up her phone, clicking it on to see the time. It was already seven, it was actually ten minutes past seven, but she couldn't get herself off the porch and through the lot. She didn't even think she could unlatch the gate and walked across the alley. She was almost certain she wouldn't be able to ring the Berry's doorbell, but she didn't have to.

Santana pushed her off her porch and Brittany guided her to the gate and into the Berry's back yard. The two girls watched her closely as she sped through the backyard and opened the door at the front of the gate.

"I will hold a knife to your back if you don't hurry the hell up, Fabray." Hissed Santana. Brittany laughed at her and kissed her cheek.

Quinn sucked in a breath and walked out of the back and into the font yard. She padded through the grass and hit the path up to the Berry's door. She stopped in the middle of the porch, staring at the dark brown door.

Her arm lifted from her side and she could see her hand shaking on its way to the doorbell. Her finger hovered over the button and she squinted her eyes shut hearing the chime go off in the house.

-/-/-/-

Rachel heard the front door open.

She sat frozen at the piano listening to her dad speak to Quinn telling her where she was. The front door clicked shut and footsteps echoed through the entryway. When she knew Quinn was just around the corner, she began to play.

She let her eyes close, seeing notes float behind her eyelids and let her mind reply the melody she used to hear hummed outside her bathroom door. She listened to the beat of her own heart in her chest and brought up her other hand to mix her own song with Quinn's.

It wasn't the same as she played it in the choir room. There was much more meaning in the tune she was letting out. It began sweet with just Quinn's melody then dipped into something dark. Rachel felt her chest twist at the melancholy tone of the song. It told of all the pain she had gone through and all the lonely nights she spent crying.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she let out her hurt at being rejected, her anguish at being left alone to make a bed that had once held two people but one side was left cold in the morning. Her shoulders shook as she expressed her need for Quinn in her life, and how much she loved her, wanted to take care of her, wanted to make her happy.

She brought the notes out of their dark timbre into a key of something promising. A promise that she would never leave Quinn, a promise that all she had wanted the entire time was to be that shoulder for Quinn to cry on and the pair of arms to hold her together when the world came crashing down around her.

Rachel pressed her fingers down in the last chord. The notes resonated throughout the house and the hallow cavity of her chest. Silence started to grow as the ringing diminished until nothing but the tick of the clock mounted on the wall filled it.

She drew her hands away from the piano and sat them in her lap, head tilted down and eyes still shut. She felt a tear fall on her hand but didn't move to wipe it off.

Her chest expanded as she took in a breath and licked her dry lips. She could feel Quinn's eyes burning into her from where she was still standing in the doorway.

"I would never leave you, Quinn," She said as evenly as she could. "I'm sorry I couldn't show you that any better. I never had intentions on walking out on you. I could never do that. I only did it because you were pushing me away." She breathed slowly. She heard Quinn take a step forward. "It hurt too much to keep trying."

"I know you wouldn't, Rachel," Quinn's voice was soft and thick in the air. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to you."

"What you did," She looked up at the empty music stand in front of her. She saw Quinn in her peripheral leaning against the wall. "It hurt me. It hurt a lot, Quinn, but I knew in the back of my mind that you were hurting too."

"All the time," She admitted.

"What changed your mind now?"

"I stopped comparing you to my family," Rachel turned to finally look at her. Quinn had her head angled up at the ceiling, her hands wrapped around her protectively. "To Finn and to Puck and to anyone else who came into my life to take something away from me and then left."

"I'm not them,"

"I've known nothing else but that." Her chest deflated as she let out a breath. Rachel saw her shoulders sag. "I didn't think you could be different." Her head came down slowly to look at her. "I didn't think that I'd start feeling this way about you, and the more I did the more afraid I got and tried to distance myself."

"When I said I needed you, I meant it. Rachel, you," Quinn let out a soft laugh, her lip caught between her teeth. "You've given me everything I needed and you tried fighting for me to realize that. I was too stupid and too stuck in my past to realize it sooner. And I'm sorry for that."

"I forgive you, Quinn,"

Quinn eyes flicked to her, the arms around herself tightening. "What?"

"I forgive you," Rachel let a soft smile spread on her lips. "When I said those things to you in the hall, I meant them. I didn't want to hear your apology because I knew you'd just be doing it because you felt bad for hurting me, but I didn't think you were finished with your denial."

"I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I deserve your words and that for what I've done."

"Quinn, I haven't wanted to be your friend since the first night you kissed me." Quinn's face fell. Rachel shook her head as she continued. "If the song I just played said anything, it was that I want you as more than that, but," She tapped her fingers on the keys. "Neither of us are in a well enough place to do that. That is, if you want to."

"I want to…" Quinn took a deep breath to calm her uneasy nerves. "I want to start over and do everything right."

"That would be the ideal thing to do, wouldn't it?"

"It would," Quinn smiled.

Rachel motioned for her to come and sit down beside her. Once she made it to the bench, she wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck hugging her tight. The feeling of Quinn's arms around her waist warmed her from head to toe.

"I was so worried," Quinn said into her neck. Rachel could feel the dampness of her tears on her skin. "I was so worried that you didn't understand."

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting." Rachel dragged a hand down Quinn's back, fingers massaging over her spine. "I needed to think. I needed to give myself time and you needed time, too."

"I guess you're right." Leaning back, Quinn wiped her face. "If anything it made me realize how much you really meant to me." She dropped her head. "It made me realize that I love you,"

Rachel sucked in a breath. Her nerves exploded and her stomach twisted and batted harder than she had ever felt. Bringing up her hands, she cupped Quinn's face making her look at her.

"You," Rachel's voice shook as she tried to say the words. "Say it again."

Quinn smiled shakily. "I love you, Rachel."

Rachel threw her arms around Quinn's neck, her mouth instantly falling onto hers. Everything she had missed came rushing in with that kiss. It was electric, blazing, breath taking to the point she felt dizzy.

Her mouth opened, allowing Quinn in letting her back up her words, her confession, her love for her. It was squeezed her heart and lit her up like lights.

"I love you, Quinn," The words fell out of Rachel's mouth before she even knew it. "I always have."

Quinn rested her forehead on hers. "Yeah?" She panted, fingers dusting off a tear that fell from Rachel's eye.

"Yeah,"

Quinn kissed her lightly on the corner of her mouth. "Will you play it again?" Asked Quinn pulling away. Rachel grinned and nodded.

She started to play again but let Quinn hum her part while Rachel added hers on the piano. Her head rested on Rachel's shoulder as she played on. The notes surrounded them, pressing them tighter together and bringing every moment from the beginning of summer to where they were now to a close.

Quinn sat up off her shoulder and looked into her eyes. A finger hooked beneath her chin, pulling her forwards until their lips met. Rachel melted into the kiss, her fingers threading into Quinn's hair to hold her in place.

"If I fell in love with you," She felt Quinn say against her lips.

Rachel leaned her forehead on Quinn's, a faint smile playing on her lips.

"I promise to be true."

_fin._

_AN: I thank all of you for reading, reviewing, adding to your favs and adding me to your author alerts and favs. I love reading all your reviews and comments. Thank you.  
_


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